Heartbroken

I express my existence through writing. I connect with what is miraculous through seeing the moments of magic and creating them in reality. I also swim in the depths of my sorrow and flail in my fits of rage...through words.
This week, I allowed my self expression to be stifled. Something happened and I let it stagnant my flow of creation. I experienced being heartbroken.

"When you are really committed to making a difference in something, prepare to be heartbroken. Because you will be."

These words came from my dear friend's seminar leader, Curt Hill at Landmark.
I have been passionately learning, sharing and standing for a future where we know what is in our food, for a future where our food is real and whole and healthy. I have been writing and speaking to complete strangers for a future where our children can have children someday, and they can live long healthy lives. I believe everyone wants that. In my heart of hearts I believe everyone will do almost anything for that future.
I felt crushed when I was faced with a no.

My dear friend shared the quotation about being "prepared to be heartbroken" this week when I shared with her my frustration and sorrow about my request to speak to my children's school PTA about GMO's and healthy food, and was turned down. Even my nine year old son was denied in his request to speak in front of the whole school about being Happy Healthy Students and eating food that supports them feeling good in school. A NINE year old wants to get in front of his whole school, voluntarily, for five minutes and share something GOOD that matters to him, and he is told NO. My heart breaks and I weep.
I shared this with him, after I composed myself, and he is confused. He is sure the Principal just doesn't understand what his report is about. He is determined to share it with him and ask again.

When I initially got the news from the Principal, I completely got his concern to not "overwhelm" the parents with issues and inundate the PTA with a political causes.... I get it still, I do.
I get that the issue of food being unsafe, especially the food the school system feeds their kids, is unsavory. No one wants to know that what their kids eat, under their supervision, is not good for them. No one wants to hear something that will require them to change their ways, to be inconvenienced. It's soooooo much easier to believe that everything is okay. And no one appreciates the messenger telling them to change their ways. Annoying. Weird. Looney.
People want to label people with passion for a cause as loons. Then they don't have to give the issue validity and actually take some responsibility. That's human.

I understand our Principal's resistance to having information shared about GMO food and the possibility of questions being raised about the food served at "his" school. One, theoretically, could connect a source of blame to him. But that blame is not exactly accurate. The Principal is not the source of the source of the food. The federal government is.
The Principal is however, the source of the source of the information shared at PTA meetings and school meetings. In protecting the parents and children from a "cause", another perspective is that he is actually blockading them from an education in ways to be healthy and learn and make a difference in the world. An educator. I find this ironic and sad. I wept after our meeting. Not just because I was denied the opportunity to share and make a difference with the PTA and my son was denied his self expression, I wept for the status of the human race....the resignation, the doubt, the fear that permeates our lives and our decisions. I wept for the barriers we create for ourselves "It's too overwhelming", "It's too hard," "I don't know how that's going to go so we are not going to try that." The source of the fears is "I fear I won't look good, so I am not going to do that." I wept for the stagnant status quo that we stew in.

It's human, however, to have the very thing we want to accomplish actually be the thing that becomes the barrier to what we want to accomplish. I get his commitment to the education he has created at the school,the way he knows it. It's a great education, it's a wonderful school, it's a thing to be proud of...not protect. Protecting a group of people is actually seeing them as "small", as people who cannot decide for themselves, who cannot intake any more.
I see our community as big. I see "issues" as opportunity. Even heartbreak.
There is an opportunity for full blown self expression, for connection, for making the earth move beneath our feet because many small voices have spoken up, stood up and are storming the status quo.

Zen Honeycutt

If you are reading this, Dear Principal, I love your stand for our school. Your commitment to our community is unquestionable. I ask you just to ask yourself,what else is possible?
And be prepared for a knock on your door from a nine year old.