Heartbroken

I express my existence through writing. I connect with what is miraculous through seeing the moments of magic and creating them in reality. I also swim in the depths of my sorrow and flail in my fits of rage...through words.
This week, I allowed my self expression to be stifled. Something happened and I let it stagnant my flow of creation. I experienced being heartbroken.

"When you are really committed to making a difference in something, prepare to be heartbroken. Because you will be."

These words came from my dear friend's seminar leader, Curt Hill at Landmark.
I have been passionately learning, sharing and standing for a future where we know what is in our food, for a future where our food is real and whole and healthy. I have been writing and speaking to complete strangers for a future where our children can have children someday, and they can live long healthy lives. I believe everyone wants that. In my heart of hearts I believe everyone will do almost anything for that future.
I felt crushed when I was faced with a no.

My dear friend shared the quotation about being "prepared to be heartbroken" this week when I shared with her my frustration and sorrow about my request to speak to my children's school PTA about GMO's and healthy food, and was turned down. Even my nine year old son was denied in his request to speak in front of the whole school about being Happy Healthy Students and eating food that supports them feeling good in school. A NINE year old wants to get in front of his whole school, voluntarily, for five minutes and share something GOOD that matters to him, and he is told NO. My heart breaks and I weep.
I shared this with him, after I composed myself, and he is confused. He is sure the Principal just doesn't understand what his report is about. He is determined to share it with him and ask again.

When I initially got the news from the Principal, I completely got his concern to not "overwhelm" the parents with issues and inundate the PTA with a political causes.... I get it still, I do.
I get that the issue of food being unsafe, especially the food the school system feeds their kids, is unsavory. No one wants to know that what their kids eat, under their supervision, is not good for them. No one wants to hear something that will require them to change their ways, to be inconvenienced. It's soooooo much easier to believe that everything is okay. And no one appreciates the messenger telling them to change their ways. Annoying. Weird. Looney.
People want to label people with passion for a cause as loons. Then they don't have to give the issue validity and actually take some responsibility. That's human.

I understand our Principal's resistance to having information shared about GMO food and the possibility of questions being raised about the food served at "his" school. One, theoretically, could connect a source of blame to him. But that blame is not exactly accurate. The Principal is not the source of the source of the food. The federal government is.
The Principal is however, the source of the source of the information shared at PTA meetings and school meetings. In protecting the parents and children from a "cause", another perspective is that he is actually blockading them from an education in ways to be healthy and learn and make a difference in the world. An educator. I find this ironic and sad. I wept after our meeting. Not just because I was denied the opportunity to share and make a difference with the PTA and my son was denied his self expression, I wept for the status of the human race....the resignation, the doubt, the fear that permeates our lives and our decisions. I wept for the barriers we create for ourselves "It's too overwhelming", "It's too hard," "I don't know how that's going to go so we are not going to try that." The source of the fears is "I fear I won't look good, so I am not going to do that." I wept for the stagnant status quo that we stew in.

It's human, however, to have the very thing we want to accomplish actually be the thing that becomes the barrier to what we want to accomplish. I get his commitment to the education he has created at the school,the way he knows it. It's a great education, it's a wonderful school, it's a thing to be proud of...not protect. Protecting a group of people is actually seeing them as "small", as people who cannot decide for themselves, who cannot intake any more.
I see our community as big. I see "issues" as opportunity. Even heartbreak.
There is an opportunity for full blown self expression, for connection, for making the earth move beneath our feet because many small voices have spoken up, stood up and are storming the status quo.

Zen Honeycutt

If you are reading this, Dear Principal, I love your stand for our school. Your commitment to our community is unquestionable. I ask you just to ask yourself,what else is possible?
And be prepared for a knock on your door from a nine year old.

How to Be a Leader: Public Speaking from a 9 year old

I am a leader in various settings; personal training in development, Cub Scouts, community groups etc and one day, as I was preparing I asked my son if he knows what it means to be a leader. He thought for a moment and said:

"Eat first and drink lots of water. But not too much.
Then use the bathroom.
Dress properly or pretty.
Know what you are talking about.
Be prepared, practice and have all your stuff.
Talk clearly and loudly.
Look at the audience.
Make sure it isn't boring.
Don't look rushed.
Don't fool around.
Have a good attitude.
Smile and have fun!
P.S. If you want to be extra nice bring goodie bags."

Amazing. He summed it up! Funny how people pay thousands of dollars to learn this, when it pretty much is natural to know this. All he did was think about what works for the leader and the guests.

So why is public speaking so challenging for most of us? Why does it rate higher than death on the list of human kinds top fears? Why would people rather DIE than get up and speak or be a leader?

FEAR of course. Fear of looking bad.
I wondered lately...
WHO is looking?

In most cases, whether making a toast, doing a talk at church, leading for teen empowerment or at public speaking at Cub Scouts, WHO is looking are people who are actually all on your side. They are there because they have a common interest, connection, cause or goal. They are there to support you or what you are up to. They are interested. They wouldn't be there if they weren't. Even if they look bored and swear they don't want to be at that board meeting you are presenting to, think about it, no one has a gun to their head. They can leave, they might loose their job, but it's still their choice to have the job in the first place. They are there to connect with what you have to say. There is no reason to survive them. They will not hurt you. They are there to learn from you. You are simply giving them information, contributing to them. Your job is simply to say it loudly, clearly and have some fun doing it.

Would it be that easy? Ah....the problem is that knowing makes no difference.
KNOWING how to be a leader is a far cry from being one.
So to be one...look to who you are BEING.

Most of us never do this, we just think about what to DO and the doing-ness gets us flustered and being a way that is totally not engaging.
Think about it, two guys can walk into a job interview and do the exact same things, say the exact same things, and have the exact same resume, but if one guy is being fearful that he won't get picked and the other guy is being a contribution...it's pretty clear that the results for the two guys will be completely different right?

Once you have cleared up your fears and drive to survive and look good, turn to who you are being.
Are you being:
Authentic?
A Contribution?
Bold?
Engaging?
Trustworthy?
Present?

Consider that your job during public speaking n is not to "get it right" but to get PRESENT. BE what you are saying. Be moved by what you are saying. FEEL what you are presenting. Be present to the intention you have, what are you intending for guests to be left with? Why are you there? Who are they to you? Who are you to them?

Answering the above questions, and creating what your intention is before you lead, and creating who you are being,is the pathway for a presentation that has openings to be an engaging conversation, and that, when it includes them and is about them, (not you) is really what leading is all about.


Zen Honeycutt

This blog inspired by what I have learned in the training at www.landmarkeducation.com

Igniting Freedom Around the Campfire

The bonfire on the beach is cracking and blowing thin streams of smoke and flecks of orange embers towards the shore. My bubbly blond college friend, her vivacious children and her friend's children all huddle in for warmth and start asking who has a scary story or song. Now normally, my kids and we would sit back and enjoy the entertainment and just join the chorus. They would settle in for a cuddle and shake their heads when we whispered to them to get up and share a song. Their face would get resistant and reticent. I would start wishing I had remembered the words to the songs I sang around fires as a kid and start wondering when I had "lost it."

Last night was totally different. My kids were the first ones up, bouncing and loud, clear and delighted to share all by themselves. They had done Cub Scout camp a few weeks ago and they were heavily armed with an artillery of silly and slightly disastrous or vulgar songs. The fact that they were doing them, and that people were laughing and clapping was joy enough. But what moved me to tears was the joy my boys expressed. The unabashed confidence. The delight and wiggly glee. The direct eye contact and smiles from ear to ear. They were thrilled to give fun to others. That has me so moved, so in love with who they are as human beings...I couldn't be any happier. A child fully self expressed awakens the love of life we all have, but we squelch.
We remember that we still love camp songs and silly jokes. We hold our breath when another person's child tells a joke, silently praying that they remember the punch line and it goes well, so that they are not embarrassed and traumatized later in life. Because we were. Somewhere along the line, most of us adults forgot the words to a song or told a joke and got laughed at or booed at instead of laughed with. Some where along the line we decided that not getting up in front of people was safer.
And then we see children get up and speak, dance, sing and make goofy faces in front of everyone, it's like SCORE! Score one for the human race! We still got it! We rock! We will NOT be shut down by fear, resignation or doubt. We will chant! We will sing! We will be goofy and mess up and we will ROCK ON!
So sing out fellow campers and beach goers...rock out parents and adults and kids. Together we stand for full self expression, joy and delight! Bring on the potty talk songs... and belt out the burp accented jokes, it is now, officially THE BEST SUMMER EVER.

Zen Honeycutt
P.S. THANK you to the Cub Scout organization!

Link to Cub Scout Campfire songs
http://www.boyscouttrail.com/boy-scouts/boy-scout-songs.asp

A New Mommy in Town

It's a sunny spring break day and I am at the community pool with my three boys. Bronson is babbling and waddling around the kiddie pool a few feet away. I am standing by the edge in my purple bikini ( pretty proud of that:), and I glance over to find Ben and Bodee, 7 and 5, both decent swimmers, but still sequestered to the below 3 1/2 foot area.

One Mommy, one set of eyes, and three boys.
I find them, take a long drink from my Klean Kanteen, and then glance back at Bronson.
At first my mind does not compute what I am seeing. Bronson is face down in the water, silently moving his legs and arms about, the water swirls around him. There is no sound.He is so quiet. My brain finally connects what's happening and I rush to him and pull him out of the water. He coughs and burps. No water comes up, but he is clearly gasping for air.
I hold him, wipe the water off his face, and inspect his face and body as if I could read somehow that he is ok.I am stunned by how silent it all was. A mom stands two feet away with her back to us, combing her hair.
She turns around, I tell her what happened, wondering if there is anything I should be doing. She is surprised, but gave me the "been there done that" speech.

The incident, and my reaction of momentarily freezing, sparks my little voice to comment that I am crazy to bring all three to the pool by myself, what was I thinking? and Why did I freeze? What kind of a mother freezes?
Then I get that that little voice is just trying to protect me...make me so wrong and bad that I will just stay at home with my boys,watch TV and be safe.

I shake it off, go to the big pool, keeping a close eye on Bronson's breathing, which is fine, and join my big boys. They play, it's fun.
Then suddenly Bodee is screeching, sputtering and acting like he nearly drowned.
"What happened?" I ask
"I was walking to get Ben(in the pool)and then I shrank!" he cries dramatically.
It's the end of the world! Bodee shrank! I catch myself from laughing because this is obviously very serious to him.
I explain to him that he didn't shrink, the pool gets deeper the further you go into it.
He doesn't care and wails at the top of his lungs. The same mother that was brushing her hair before sees the drama, nods a knowing nod and says "It's time for Mommy to go home."
I get the she is empathizing. The old me would have gotten frustrated with Bodee, angry with myself for having two near drowning incidents within ten minutes, and would have tersely packed up and ushered a pack of wailing boys home. Enough is enough I would think. This overwhelmed Mother can't handle one more accident.

This time however, I am just present to how much fun we are having at the pool. Yes, stuff happens. It doesn't mean anything about me as a mother. In fact I am on the pool stairs, one foot from Bronson and he falls over again, face down. I pick him up, he doesn't cry, and in a second we are bouncing and splashing about.
This is a new Mommy in town.
This one doesn't pack up and shout and go home when something goes wrong.
This one stays and plays.
Thank you very much.

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

I am reminded that I am doing this with my business now, yes the economy is down, I am, however, Stayin and Playin!

Catching Air

The intense whiteness of the snow is startling and yet serene at the same time. The crispness of the air fills my chest and I buzz with aliveness.
We are in the mountains, on a snowy Sunday afternoon for a day of free family sledding. My three children are padded with layers of clothing and waddle to the edge of the snowbanks. They eye the steep incline and move forward...my minds eye imagines them lurching forward, toppling over, a ball of limbs rolling down the hill, screeching and flailing...and I sternly redirect them to a path.

We troop through the fresh snow, on an adventure, to the sledding area, which is teeming with families, snow ball fights and large red and blue plastic pieces of broken sleds. Again the alarm goes off in my head.

As my husband guides my two elder sons, 7 and 5, onto the sled, I must consciously tell myself "He's got them. They will be alright."

How often, in business, in life,in parenting, must I give up that "something bad is going to happen"? It seems like constantly.

When I was a child, playing hide and go seek with my brother, he wanted to hide near me and I told him, "No, go away, this is my spot!"
He didn't listen to me. He hid there anyway, climbed on top of the cabinet, broke my mothers bowl I told on him,and he was punished for it. It was not right, it was wrong in my eyes. A big mess all around. And all my fault.

If he had only listened to me none of this would have happened.
From now on, I better know better. And people better listen to me!

My whole life I tell people what to do, thinking I am helping them... my maiden name actually is LaBossiere and people called me "LaBoss". In elementary and high school I was automatically The Boss. And mostly, I was right too. You can imagine how my relationships went...being right all the time!

Today, when I stop and get present,I see that the unknown, no matter what it is, the glare of the bright future, the darkness of the shadows, the unsure opportunity in business, has my automatic way of being...that I have to know better and people must listen to me...or something bad is going to happen....that way of being could run my life.
I could not let them sled, or be a crabby boss about it when they sled. I could not try certain avenues of business, not meet new people, not speak in front of large groups ...unless I know for sure how it' s going to go.
Or, I breathe. Revel in my 5 year old catching air off a bump and whooping with delight... and laugh...Trust the world. Trust myself, that no matter what, I will be ok. My family will too. I will be responsible even if things don't turn out.
We will thrive. And create fun.