The Power of We

It was just not working. I felt defeated, worn out, stressed out and put out. I was resentful and regretful. I wanted out. Out of being a den Mom to 10 rambunctious boys.
We all have areas of our life that don't work.
I have a couple of them. I have many that do work, I love my husband, kids, home, life etc....
but there are a few areas that just seem to repeatedly suck and I will admit that. Because I have learned that only when I am able to admit it, does something begin to change. If I hide it like a neat little package with poo inside, then no one can see it, including me, and it gets ignored. No one, including me, cleans it up.

So I admitted it. I had a meeting with the parents of my den and laid it out there. If it kept going like this I was probably going to quit or or dismiss some boys, not like a threat, but just because it was so unmanageable.I let them know I am totally committed.....it just wasn't working this way, it couldn't go on. And I knew they would wonder...well what the heck are YOU doing that has them being so unruly. In fact, one couple pretty much implied that. And I didn't take it personally. I could totally get that, from their perspective, 3-4 adults, 10 kids...Come on! How could it be that bad?

Um, it could. And yes I have something to do with it. Yes I am willing to change it up. But I need partnership. I need us to take it on. I need this not to be a YOU or ME problem, but a WE solution. 100% leader, 100% parent and 100% cub scout.

So we created that. I made a Code of Conduct Contract. I wrote out all the unacceptable behavior and had the parents read it to their kids and sign the code of conduct. We created partnership between the parents, kids and leader. I asked the parents for their input and took it. One had her son, an almost Eagle Scout come and do uniform inspection and be on Time Out watch (which was not needed). She got a Wolf Totem to hold as a talking stick and created a sticker chart. The parents stepped up and helped out during the meetings too, we divided up the kids and conquered the disrespectful behavior. Normally I would do everything myself....but as that wasn't working...it was time to take it from Me to We and man...what a miraculous difference!

The boys were alert, attentive, respectful, raising their hands, engaged and awesome. It was dreamy. They felt proud of themselves and so did we.

I am looking at how I can apply this to my life...going from the single focus of me to the Power of We...in the area of messes around the house ( chore charts from Cub Scouts sure do help!) and genetically modified foods impacting our health. How am I trying to do it all myself and what is not working about that? What can I put in that would have powerful partnership show up? I am going to have to give up doing it all myself, thinking up of all the good ideas, being the leader for everything and having it go my way ( which is the right way of course). It's not about me, it's about WE.

I felt that giving up relief yesterday when I offered ideas at a planning meeting to label GMOS. They wanted to do other things or call it something different. I reminded myself that this is not about MY idea, it is about OUR nation having food that is labeled truthfully, real and healthy. I felt wonder and freedom when I opened up my vision of the future to their perspective, their contribution and our common goal.
I gave up my fear and controlling reaction... like a black crow flapping and hovering, I let it settle and be still...and saw the power in the people around me instead.

It's time to be authentic in life, time to share what is not working...time to pour our hearts out and be totally vulnerable. Because in that authenticity, we find our humanity, we bond with others, we love ourselves and can be with ourselves and others exactly as we are. There is so much power in authenticity. There is so much power in listening. There is so much power in inviting people to be a contribution to our common purpose. Let people in. The Power of We is wonderful.

I cannot wait to see what we create in working together for our common purpose to label GMOS. It may not look like anything I imagined, but after my experience with my den meeting, I have faith that it will be better than anything we all imagined.

Zen Honeycutt

Take Your Lid Off!!!

It is election night and I am sitting in the back of the room of the Prop 37 party with my very patient and agreeable family. They are munching on organic snacks and I am thinking about whether or not I should say something when the leader asks if anyone wants to share. The leader, Paula is a vibrant red head with energy that lights up the room. She first shares that she has only been a part of the movement for a few months and I am shocked. She acts like she has been around for years. She is confident, related to everyone in the room, and owning the event like a true champion for human beings. She is a champion. She is a leader and it occurs to me that my role in the whole movement has been minimal at best. I realize that I have been playing small. Yes, I have been doing more than the average person, passing out flyers and sharing with leaders in my community, but I have not been the leader I could be. Paula is inspiring. I could totally be more of a leader. I could take the lid off my leadership.

So I do. I ask myself if I could do anything what would I do?
I would want to gather people nationally...nationally but locally at the same time and raise awareness in a huge way. I would want to do that in a way that works for Moms and families so they don't have to travel. I would want to do it on a day that is memorable and preferably at an event that already has the media present. Because some of the media is backed by major chemical companies, they often ignore the GMO Free USA movement and do not send press to protests or cover them on TV. We would need to infiltrate a media covered event.
Oh! I came up with and awesome idea that the local group of supporters agrees will make a difference. When a national leader said, "What you guys are doing In CA is incredible."I emailed back, "The Dalia Lama said, "Western women will change the world."That's us." I feel it in my bones. I am one of us.
I won't share the idea yet, because it's still brewing, and our coalition of GMO Free supporters will focus on the best idea to cause education and change.. but any local and nationwide event will require me to be a leader for many many more than I would normally even consider. It's frightening and freeing at the same time.

Most would not consider taking on being a part of a nationwide movement freeing. I would argue it is. See, who you have to be, to be a leader, is freeing. All your concerns about looking good or bad, you need to set those aside. That's freeing. All those fears about messing it up, you need to set those aside. That's freeing. All the resistance of responsibility that has you hesitate, you set those aside and take actions anyway. The connection, love and generosity that you find in the world from empowering others, that is FREEING!

I am clear that whether I lead this particular event isn't the point. I am not attached to my idea. (Although it rocks:) The victory for me is that I have set aside my concerns and I am willing and up for leadership at any level. I have taken the lid off my leadership and anything is possible. I don't remember ever feeling so free and so sure of who I am in my life.

So here's an invitation to look at, where do you have a lid on your life? On what you are capable of? On love? On Leadership?
If you are a parent, how does that impact your children? Your style of parenting? Your partnership with your spouse?

What would happen if you took that lid off? What could you consider?
What kind of parent/lover/friend/spouse/co worker would you be if you have no limits?
Coming from an empowering context, anything might show up and we might create new actions to take that light up and inspire the world.
Here's to a bright future we create together!!!

Zen Honeycutt

How to Be a Leader: Public Speaking from a 9 year old

I am a leader in various settings; personal training in development, Cub Scouts, community groups etc and one day, as I was preparing I asked my son if he knows what it means to be a leader. He thought for a moment and said:

"Eat first and drink lots of water. But not too much.
Then use the bathroom.
Dress properly or pretty.
Know what you are talking about.
Be prepared, practice and have all your stuff.
Talk clearly and loudly.
Look at the audience.
Make sure it isn't boring.
Don't look rushed.
Don't fool around.
Have a good attitude.
Smile and have fun!
P.S. If you want to be extra nice bring goodie bags."

Amazing. He summed it up! Funny how people pay thousands of dollars to learn this, when it pretty much is natural to know this. All he did was think about what works for the leader and the guests.

So why is public speaking so challenging for most of us? Why does it rate higher than death on the list of human kinds top fears? Why would people rather DIE than get up and speak or be a leader?

FEAR of course. Fear of looking bad.
I wondered lately...
WHO is looking?

In most cases, whether making a toast, doing a talk at church, leading for teen empowerment or at public speaking at Cub Scouts, WHO is looking are people who are actually all on your side. They are there because they have a common interest, connection, cause or goal. They are there to support you or what you are up to. They are interested. They wouldn't be there if they weren't. Even if they look bored and swear they don't want to be at that board meeting you are presenting to, think about it, no one has a gun to their head. They can leave, they might loose their job, but it's still their choice to have the job in the first place. They are there to connect with what you have to say. There is no reason to survive them. They will not hurt you. They are there to learn from you. You are simply giving them information, contributing to them. Your job is simply to say it loudly, clearly and have some fun doing it.

Would it be that easy? Ah....the problem is that knowing makes no difference.
KNOWING how to be a leader is a far cry from being one.
So to be one...look to who you are BEING.

Most of us never do this, we just think about what to DO and the doing-ness gets us flustered and being a way that is totally not engaging.
Think about it, two guys can walk into a job interview and do the exact same things, say the exact same things, and have the exact same resume, but if one guy is being fearful that he won't get picked and the other guy is being a contribution...it's pretty clear that the results for the two guys will be completely different right?

Once you have cleared up your fears and drive to survive and look good, turn to who you are being.
Are you being:
Authentic?
A Contribution?
Bold?
Engaging?
Trustworthy?
Present?

Consider that your job during public speaking n is not to "get it right" but to get PRESENT. BE what you are saying. Be moved by what you are saying. FEEL what you are presenting. Be present to the intention you have, what are you intending for guests to be left with? Why are you there? Who are they to you? Who are you to them?

Answering the above questions, and creating what your intention is before you lead, and creating who you are being,is the pathway for a presentation that has openings to be an engaging conversation, and that, when it includes them and is about them, (not you) is really what leading is all about.


Zen Honeycutt

This blog inspired by what I have learned in the training at www.landmarkeducation.com