The Bad Kind of Funny

I watched "Parental Discretion", Nickmom's fairly new (at least to me) comedy hour for Moms the other night. A perfectly primped fashionista Mom, Stephanie Wilder-Taylor told well timed self depreciating jokes and had Moms in the audience laughing and nodding with relief. I eased into the safety of being a messy, distracted and often frazzled Mom. It's okay. She gets me. Someone else out there is as lazy a Mom as I fear I might be.
The guest Moms are admitting to being such BAD MOMS. That gives me relief. The laughter that pours out of me feels like finding the match to the last sock in cushions of the coach. I can barely scrape by and be okay. My kids will live. The Gods of Parenting won't come down and smite me.

But then they had the skit on "Super Mom". Although she looked like the opposite of me, a blond preppy Mom in a crisp collared shirt with a shelf behind her loaded with Pinterest type perfect crafts and immaculate house....I suddenly realized almost every word out of her mouth could have been mine. She bragged about her numerous kids, their achievements and scout activities, her roles of leadership and how she was writing a book about parenting....
The crowd was laughing hilariously. She was the butt of the jokes.
I was the butt of the jokes.

Since that night I have to admit my perspective on this blog and and my intentions of my parenting book are deeply questioned. In addition to the weight of being the laughable mom, the un-cool Mom, the mom that people do not connect with because people think she is trying so hard to connect with others by being important, by being a contribution...
In addition to all of that...I suddenly occurred to myself as an self absorbed, arrogant, know-it-all, Pain-in-the-Ass. I questioned whether all my friends really like me. Having a party for my fortieth seems like a bad idea. Is that what people think of me? Self doubt gobbled at my confidence like Cookie Monster on cookies.
My dreams and goals went sour too. My intentions to write a parenting book seemed tainted with sticky black oil and my book seemed to begin to sink into the depths of a sea of normalcy.

It's normal, you see... according to this show, to not like your kids.
It is, in fact, cool and funny to not like your kids.

It's normal and hilarious, according to this show, to be an alcoholic because you can't stand your kids.

It's not only normal, according to this show, but totally justified and Can I get a Hell Yeah! to lock yourself in your room, eat tiny bits of left over chocolate like starving rat while the kids scream and practically kill each other.

It's normal, according to this show, knee-slapping funny and COOL to make fun of Moms who love their kids, don't drink, are inspired by their kids and write about them and actually want to spend time with them.

Can you tell I am sad?
A little defensive and pissed off?

Listen there are moments, sometimes even hours, when I can't stand my kids and can relate to wanting to drink or lock myself away...but isn't an entire show devoted to a slew of self depreciating survival jokes that make a mockery out of people who actually make a difference for their kids just the opposite of what feminism ever intended?
It's not empowering to women. It says "It's ok to live in squalor, drink because you "have to", hate yourself and your kids and make fun of anyone who doesn't". It's basically an advertisement for Zoloft. It diminishes what women are capable of and lowers the hopes of Moms everywhere.

I so want to make this show just bad and wrong and bad and wrong even if I did laugh at at a couple times. But even when I feel the every essence of who I am and what I stand for is being mocked, I am committed to still doing what I do....find inspiration and be creative in any situation.

Perhaps the silver lining in a show which laughs at, lowers the hopes of, and diminishes women might actually in some strange way, leave the viewers feeling better, bigger and confirmed in their survival tactic of parenting.I could even see how, from this show, Moms would be left with, "I am not THAT bad." Like how after reading "The Glass Castle" I felt like a Gold Star Parent.

Maybe after they get that they can survive it, they will begin to enjoy it, and maybe after they really enjoy it they will begin to create something new, shift their perspective and be present to the incredible miracle our children are and the awesome responsibility and joy it is to be their Mom.

It may not be funny to be inspired by my kids...but when I am inspired by my kids I can create a lot more funny with the people who REALLY matter. My kids.
I'll take knock knock jokes with them over self depreciating Moms any day.
Thanks Nick Mom, for confirming my commitment to being that very "funny" Super Mom.

Zen Honeycutt

The Power of Pinterest

I finally checked out Pinterest a few weeks ago after numerous Facebook posts from a friend that could no longer be denied as intriguing. At first I experienced a dread, another job, I thought I had before me, to fill up my boards with fascinating images that would make me look good.Ha ha. Ugh. And then I just poked around and looked at people's favorite things. There was my quiet friend who is obviously obsessed with male models, my fashion friend who post intricately gorgeous crocheted couture pieces and has renewed my appreciation of fashion, and there were the crafts. Ohhhh... the crafts. There are Moms and crafty ladies out there that are gobsmackingly great at fabulous and quirky crafts. I just dive into board after board of wonderful and simple ideas...and find one board that practically giggles with glee and color. Children crafts and play ideas that I repin one after the other, not to look good for other people at all, but so that I remember to do them.

Today was "My Surprise Thursday" and I never know what I am going to do to surprise myself or my children. Today, after a day of No TV yesterday (that's a whole other blog) I was sure the boys would be glommed onto the TV as much as possible. After almost a half hour of squawky TV in the morning I saw the masking tape sitting on a counter top corner and a memory of a Pinterest post grabbed me and had me marching toward the carpet with purpose. Within several seconds I had begun mapping out a town with masking tape on the carpet. Streets, parking lots and multiple driveways for them to build homes and whatever else they imagine. My boys began turning their head from SpongeBob and asking me what I was doing. Nothing usually brakes the SpongeBob daze. I surprised myself!
The second the episode ended, which was just when I was completing the last driveway, the boys turned the TV off without me asking. They jumped up and spread out around the masking tape lines, figuring out that it was a village and immediately laying claim to real estate on appealing corners. Territorial little buggers.
I set out a few boxes of freshly organized toys (due to No TV day) and they were excited to each get a box that they had sorted and was now exclusively theirs for the next few minutes. They built Lincoln Log restaurants and block homes and even giant spider webs. They played for at least an hour while I cleaned out a closet and several shelves for the incoming exchange student from China we are hosting in a week.

I don't know the person who put that masking tape on her floor and took a picture of it and posted it to Pinterest and never will. She doesn't know that she had something to do with creating delight and giant spider webs in a village of Lincoln Logs and blocks in my home. She didn't know when she posted it that a Mom, somewhere out there, would feel fulfilled and satisfied by having her children playing while she created the space to welcome the daughter she never had into her home and discover a world of adventures in America. She will never know the thrill my children had in pulling it up after the village was demolished and balling up the roads into a big sticky tape ball and throwing at each other, cackling like crazy when it stuck to their hair. She didn't know she might create moments in which three brothers play as best friends.

So this Pinterest that so many view as a waste of time, could be... or it could inspire the best times of your life. All of life is a conversation. We either have a dis empowering conversation about something or an empowering one. Unless you are on morphine or laughing gas, the default one is usually dis empowering. It takes something to really look at what could be empowering about a website where people post a bunch of STUFF. It could be addicting, it could be mind numbing, it could be a huge waste of time....or it could be the best thing you could be doing in that moment and it could change your life and the lives of others.
Otherwise, why do it? Why not do everything as if it is the best thing you will ever do? What could open up? What could you create? It might be art with your kids that you never imagined. It might be a simple craft for a gift a year from now or intricate roadways for your children for the hour. It might be something that surprises you and delights those around you.
And that world is inspiring.
Thank you to everyone who shares creativity in the world. You transform what it means to be alive.

Zen Honeycutt