A Child's Wish

I am reading my three sons a bedtime story, Pinocchio. At the end of the tale Geppetto declares that his wooden puppet of a son is truthful, brave and unselfish. This was the test that the Blue Fairy gave him to pass and so "Poof!" he is freed from the restrictions of the wood and turned into a real boy.

I am reminded of the huge breakthrough my son Ben has caused for himself lately, seeing his part in the bullying that was happening to him at school, creating a deal and having many days since then of making friends, playing and no bullying.
I kiss Ben on the forehead and thank him for being truthful and brave and unselfish without mentioning why...but he knows. He smiles and nods.
Then he says meaningfully "Thank you for being empowering, Mom."
I am stunned. I didn't know he even new that word. My heart swells with wonder.
"What made you think of that word, empowering, Ben?"
"Oh I just thought of it in my head." he says simply.

I am so touched, so fullfilled.
I reply " That's all I want to be as a Mommy, is empowering for you boys."
He says "I want you to be all that you want to be, and to be free."

I can hardly believe what I am hearing, and yet I fully get that Ben is just such a compassionate, mature and wonderful eight year old. This is just exactly what he would say. This is all he wishes for anyone.
I also get that me being free is of concern to him, and that me being free is freedom for him as well. And in that moment, I am free of all my concerns as a parent.
I kiss him again and say, with a lump in my throat, "I am. I am free. Thank you, Ben. I love you. Good night."
I promptly leave the room and cry tears of wonder, telling my husband what an amazing son we have.

As I write this, my mind goes back to when I saw my parents disempowered or unhappy. They were awesome parents, and like any, they didn't always want to do the job they did, or drive the distance, or file the paperwork...and when they were grouchy or upset or resentful about it...my child like perspective was just "Well then why are you doing it? Just do what makes you happy!".
I wanted my parents to be free too. I still do. As their child, nothing saddens me more than to see my parents unhappy about something. I think it affects our core being, our sense of security and safety. Like Ben, all I want is for them to be free in all areas of their life.
As a parent, I get I cannot really do anything about their choices in their lives (beside suggest, remind, and annoy), and I can see that I can really only be happy and free in my life. Perhaps, rather than figuring out what kind of techniques I need to incorporate to be the best parent for my kids, perhaps just being happy and free with myself is all I need to do.

Be all that I want to be and be free. What a gift to give to yourself and those you love.

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

The Greatest Human Tragedy

I don't keep up with "American Idol", "America's Got Talent", " Last Comic Standing", or "So You Think You can Dance", but once in a great while I will flip through the channels, come across one of them and watch a while.
During the critique, when the contestant suddenly switches from magnetic performer to one with their life on the line...their eyes become filled with anticipation or resignation, sometimes even blatant fear....it pulls at the very heartstrings of being human.
I can feel their anxiety, I experience the beads of sweat, their heart tight and body alert and buzzing with possibility.....will their plans for the future be tossed aside tonight??? Or with their dreams be one step closer to coming true?

We have all been there. Will our lives be dictated by this moment or will we cause our dreams? That's why this formula for entertainment is so rampantly popular now. We watch, we feel what they feel, we remember waiting to be picked for the team or asking that girl or boy to dance, waiting for their answer....anticipating either total devastation or an explosion of freedom...

Often the outcome is almost predictable from just observing their faces. We play the guessing game..."Oh, he's nervous...you can tell he's going home..." or "Oh, she is totally not confident, if she doesn't go home this week, she's next..."
As the critique is delivered, the judges repeatedly get to the crux of the matter.
"You need to be more vulnerable and connect."
"You need to be less nervous and more confident."
"You need to let your personality shine."

Sometimes it is about technical issues, the moves being cleaner or the voice being a little pitchy...but what it always comes down to is not what they are doing, because they obviously have talent or they wouldn't be there...but it is really about who they are being.

It's what we all confront. What we all yearn for a victory over...who we are being in the face of an extraordinary challenge....who we are being in the face of the ordinary every day tedious routine...who we are being when our parent says that one thing that just triggers us to spiral into the abyss of insanity and resentment....who we are being when our friend asks us to do that thing we just feel like is a little bit like taking advantage...who we are being when we know we can get up and do it but just don't want to....

It's ALL about who we are being.
When we can be powerful in the face of any circumstance...when we can BE what we are committed to.... a phenomenal dancer, a miraculous singer, a pogo stick jumper with pizazz... rather than react to our fears, than we create a victory over the past. The crowds will vote. The crowds will cheer. Our hearts will soar. Our relationships will blossom. We will experience that freedom and contribution to others that is the reason for our existence.

As I watch the girl I predicted would be eliminated tonight on " So You Think You Can Dance", I didn't feel glad to be right. She chose it. She knew she was going. She wasn't really playing the game of winning. As she said in her exit video...she wanted to come and feel like a star. And she did, she won that game. We always win the game we are playing.
What? No not every game..... am I really winning the game I am playing with that one person who is not speaking to me?...
Well, yeah, if I really look at it...I am winning the game of being right. So we are not speaking. I am right, they are wrong. So that's that. I win.
Melinda, tonight, on "So you Think You Can Dance." won her game of feeling like a star.
What pulls at our hearts is that she could have gone all the way. She could have won a bigger game. But who she was being...who we are often being, is someone who doesn't believe in ourselves enough to have it all.

That's the greatest human tragedy.

That's why we keep watching. Shakespeare's works, some of the greatest writing of all time, pure genius, is all about tragedy. His "performance" of writings are hundreds of years old and we keep watching.
If only his characters knew how great they were..and told the other how much they loved them...none of the drama would have happened. If only the dancer or singer knew how great they are and really really let it rip...

We soooo want the other to know how great they are. We want so much for them to shine. We want so much for our children, our parents, our family to be happy and shine.
We want so much to shine ourselves and to express our greatness.

That is the greatest human victory...

whether it's dance, singing, loving, writing, building, throwing batons of fire or training dogs...whatever our self expression is, it's time to unleash it.

It's your life..."So You Think you Can....Be?"


Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

The quickest way I know to unleash who we are being....www.landmarkeducation.com.
Just register and let it rip.