The Best Day Ever!

My kids say it at the end of almost every day. And each time they say it with a fervor and authenticity that is undeniable.
"Today was the BEST day EVERRRRRRR!"
They recount several things that made it so...got a prize at school, his brother shared a Jamba Juice, and on top of that we played Foosball and he won! The BEST Day EVERRRR obviously!

Kids make it so by saying so. Sometimes they say so ahead of time. As I am wetting their hair down before they go to school, like a Momma Tiger licks her cubs, they say seriously, "Mom, today is going to be the best day ever. It's Thursday and we get to wear our slippers to school."

Being inspired by our children has us see the world in a new way. What if we declared that Today is going to be the BEST DAY EVER?

Yesterday my friend did that. And told me. She did this not to tell me just to share it with me, like to have a friend hear her, but because she and I both know, because of our unique friendship, that she is then accountable for seeing and causing her day to be that way. I loved her courage and I joined in and declared the same.

And it was, The BEST DAY EVERRRR!

First of all, I woke up and wrote. Not my blog like I usually do, but an idea that had percolated over night about creating a Moms March across the country to label GMO's. I sent it to the 43 organizers in Southern California that bonded together on Prop 37. Even though I hardly knew some, a few I had connected with instantaneously over the cause and passing out flyers, we are sisters and brothers in unity.
The response was fantastically positive. Moms said Yes and gave ideas, connections to people that could help and my heart began to race. When I have an idea like this, something comes over me. It's like a wave of white light. I speculate about it and something in my body buzzes...This is it. You must do this. This is HUGE. The little voice, the one that is not my friend gets washed away by the wave. Every once in a while, when my energy is down, it will shout from a distant shore "Are you crazy? You can't do that! At least not RIGHT anyway! You are going to mess it up!"
But then someone from my community, who is now listening to me as who I said I was, emails me or calls and reminds me what I have already created (just by sharing it). The waves keep coming and I am swimming with the tide, carried by my community, towards the shore where I land on firm ground and walk into my future I created.

Yesterday, shortly after the email was sent out, Pamm Larry the Italian Grandma who organized the entire Prop 37 ballot measure, the woman I had just posted the day before as my hero, emailed ME and said if I wanted to call her to talk about this idea that she would get back to me. I DID! I called her immediately, while I was shopping in Mother's. I gave my four year old a bag of organic gummies to occupy him and I heard her answer the phone. "Pamm Larry?" "Yes." "OH MY GOD! I am so thrilled to be speaking with you!"
I was part shouting part laughing with glee and almost crying. My voice didn't know what to do. I was talk to my real life hero. I realized that she probably didn't have a lot of time for my blubbering so I composed myself and we talked about my idea.
"I love your idea," she said "And we will support you. Just get us a good plan, what you need, how you are going to do this, and we meet next week and support you."
I found myself saying "Thank you thank you! Fantastic! I love you!"
She laughed and said "I love you too." and we said goodbye and hung up.

"Whoooooohoooooo!" I shouted, jumping up and down in the aisle. "YES!!!! I just talked to Pamm Larry!!!" Shoppers turned to stare at me.
I beamed like a banshee. I called my husband to tell him and I heard his gears turning "Here we go! Zen is taking off on a big project!" but this time, even though this is bigger than any of my projects, festivals and fundraisers I have organized before, he didn't sound skeptical and concerned about the overload of work. He was impressed with the partnership I was forming. This project will be done well...because of the level of partners I am creating.

Yesterday was the best day ever because I created a whole new future for myself. We actually do this everyday, whether we declare it the best day or not. Everyday, children, teens, adults we create a new future for ourselves. Whether we complete a task or project and then create a new future for ourselves by having a wide open space for whatever is next, or we take on something new..going to the gym for the first time in years, calling a friend we haven't spoken to in months, planting a garden, writing a new chapter, each action creates something possible in the future. Everyday we are taking actions that create a new future for ourselves.

Sometimes that future could look a lot like more of the same. Sometimes it looks so different and big and, if we let it, becomes so scary that we recall it and shove it on the back burner. And other times, we let it wash over us like a wave, pulling us to a new land where everything is new and we are an adventurer in our own life.

I wish you the BEST DAY EVER and many adventures ahead.

With Love,
Zen Honeycutt

"Insanity" in the Classroom

I am inspired by the people around me. Not always. Only when I listen. And not listen like waiting for them to stop talking so I can say something about what they just said but better or more or different....but listen like hearing what they are committed to, what drives them, listening for what they love, even if they are complaining.
Last night at our leadership meeting this one teacher was not complaining however. He could be, he teaches Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors in high school and it sounds like a rowdy bunch in Corona. He could be complaining about the insanity it is for one teacher to be teaching 160 something teens. He chooses a different point of view. One that empowers him and his students. He commutes from Irvine but he sees it as a beautiful drive. His students inspire him every day. He invited them to "Play BIG Games" this year and in their life and the walls of their class, rather than covered with rules and things the teacher wants to students to get, the walls are covered with posters of the students goals about graduating, their career choice, grades or family. THEIR Big Games are what they see every day and what they hold themselves accountable for.
This amazing teacher, let's give him his due credit shall we? Jonathan Smith, shared that he created BIG Games with his students and they are all inspired, he's inspired. And then he went home and his girlfriend said "I got the work out DVD "Insanity"" He said "Good for you."
He was NOT doing it. No way No How. He knows how insane it is. The the next day he shared about his day as he normally does, and his girlfriend's game, and the kids all chanted BIG GAME! BIG GAME! Suddenly he was being supported by his students, to take on "Insanity " workouts and he took it on. Everyday for 60 days these kids are supporting their teacher in playing a BIG Game. And they agreed that if he misses a day they won't make him wrong, like boo hiss, but they will encourage him and have him restore his integrity and repromise. They are learning through experience the difference between morality (the boo hiss mentality) and integrity (honoring your word). His students are up to BIG Games too, all things that really mean something to them. One girl is going to tell her father that she loves him every day. When Mr.Smith asked if ths really was a BIG game for her, and she said "Oh I NEVER told my father I love him, so yeah, this is HUGE."
Can you imagine being the father of a teenage daughter who has never heard "I love you" from her to suddenly hearing it everyday? How is that family going to transform?

This teacher gets that his workout is not just about his body however, it will improve of course, but his promise, his word means something to his students. He has it that he needs to get up every day at 4:30 am and do this workout because if he doesn't, as their role model, he is giving that girl who promised to say "I love you" to her dad every day, an OUT. So his workout is not about him, it's about the difference honoring his word makes in the world.

Now you may ask yourselves what does this all have to do with a math class?

Everything.
Kids who play BIG Games in class and in life are excited to go to class, no matter what class it is. They get that THEY matter, their lives matter and they feel gotten. They aren't just a body in a chair, a statistic for the teacher to manage otherwise he won't get a raise or tenure. They aren't concerned with being "left behind" they are creating a new future. They aren't just an annoyance, they are actually a contribution to their whole class, even their teacher. They make a difference in their teacher's life. And, these kids get that when they are around Mr. Smith, they are listened to as GREAT. They are held to their own word, what they created, and they are responsible for causing their life to go the way they say so.

That's not just an education in math, that's an education on being an extraordinary human being who contributes to the world.
Here's to you Jonathan Smith, one of the greatest teachers I have ever heard of, and to all your students who are driving you to "Insanity" in a whole new context.

Thank you Jonathan Smith, for being extraordinary. You are creating a future I am excited for my boys to live into. Now we just need to share how teachers can get access to the tools you are using in the classroom to create this all over the country.
I am your partner.

Zen Honeycutt

The tools Jonathon uses in his class are from www.landmarkeducation.com. His passion is entirely his own.

Heaven on Earth

My son had that look on his face. The one where the weight of the world pulled down the sides of his mouth, cheeks and eyes such that he drooped and dragged himself to bed with excruciating significance. Normally I might sigh and imagine the drama he was concocting...some frivolous argument with his brother or some imagined threat of doom from a TV show he saw earlier...something not worth my time to get into at 9:30 at night during my brother's wedding party. I have other things to do. "Stop sighing and GO TO BED!" I might demand.
But I am it. Meaning his father is working, not here. I am it. The full parental unit and that gives me total responsibility for the status of my children. So I step up.

I ask him what is going on and he sighs loud enough to scare a katydid. It's a big deal. It's bad words. Some ladies were saying them. He is upset and concerned. But over what? We walk from outside to his bunk bed and sit on the lower bunk. Maybe this is a place that occurs as more discreet because he stops sighing and lets it all out. He is afraid he won't get into heaven if he uses words like that...which he has...so he knows now that he is going to hell...and then the tears come. He is sobbing for his soul. My soul wants to sob with him. I don't want my son to fear hell, to fear for his life, to fear anything. Especially not over a word that means nothing except the meaning we attach to it. I want to know what his world is like.

I ask him about hell, what happens there, and with a cry that might tear my heart open he says, "It's burning hot and everyone is bleeding and working ALL THE TIME!!!"
My chest feels as heavy as a boulder, my hand weighs upon his and he clenches it. I get the doom he feels. Life can be so HARD as a kid I think. The world can seem so AWFUL.
I see his picture of hell and I ask him what might have him go there. He tells me about the swear word again. The A one. I say it just to verify. Ass. He blinks with fear. Then I ask what the ladies were saying. What happened.
It's good to get to what's so.

"Mine is bigger than yours..." he says. I get it. "So two ladies were talking and one was like "My ass is bigger than your ass, what are you talking about? and then, Uh HUH honey, NO WAY- my ass is way bigger than yours!"
I shake my hips and point to my rear and waggle my finger and soon a smile creeps on his face. I smile with gentle encouragement and then say "Ass ass ass ass ass." His eyebrows go up but the smile stays.
"They are just words, son. And the only meaning they have are the meaning we attach to them. Of course there are appropriate and inappropriate uses of words..." and I explain the bit about being around boys versus Grandma's or at school etc.

Then the concern creeps back to his face. It's really about getting into heaven. Even though he gets the meaning about the words. He has said that word before so that means he is going to hell.
"The only way I can get into heaven is to believe in God." he says.
I say, "Okay so there is only one way?" He nods. He is sad because he has ruined that one way, because God doesn't want us to swear and he has so that's it. His one chance is over. He is doomed.
"So sweetie, is there only one way to paint an apple?"
"No"
Is there only one way to make a friend?"
"No"
"Is there only one way to go home?"
"No" he is getting my point...
"So why would there be only one way to go to heaven?"
"Yeah, I can see what you mean...there are other ways..."
"If you even believe that there is only one place called heaven with one door...some people believe heaven is an energy or even a way of living right now here on earth."
"You mean heaven can be here on earth?"
"Well... what if it could? What if heaven and hell could be right here, right now? Is worrying, being fearful, being upset...is that closer to heaven or hell?"
"The last one," he said, still to concerned to say the words out loud.
"What would being free, being easy and forgiving and compassionate with yourself be closer to?"
"Heaven."
"Yeah, so you can create heaven or hell on earth right now for you today...can you see that?" I smooth his hair back and feel his warm soft forehead. It wasn't long ago that he was born and I knew, just from seeing him, that he was a blessed soul. I told him so, even if we never did a ceremony to bless him, which we did, but even if we hadn't he would be blessed. We all are. We are spiritual, blessed, amazing human beings and our purpose is not to worry, fret and fear what will happen after we die, whether we go to heaven or hell. It is to create heaven on earth right now.
His grip on my hand softens with his voice.
"That means being compassionate right Mom?"
"Yes And that includes being compassionate with yourself. Can you do that?"
The tears fell again, this time of relief, from being heard and redeemed.
"Yes."
Our hug melted all concerns...and as I hummed him the lullabye my mother hummed to me as a baby, I was touched by the gift she gave me, the concept of creating heaven on earth, right here, right now, is being present, loving and compassionate.
I sigh a sigh of fulfillment because, more important than teaching my son about one way to believe, I am inspiring him to wonder.
Thank you Mom for empowering me to be a Mom that, I am pretty sure, is not going to go to hell.

Zen Honeycutt

Alove...I mean, Alive with love

This Valentine's Day has me particularly present to love and life.
This weekend I flew from CA to CT for my brother and fiance's Jack and Jill fundraiser Valentine's party...a chocolate lover's dream, black and red theme, glowingly creative party in the art gallery space ( with their art on the walls) my brother Tao and his fiancee Amy live in with about 80 other artists. My brother is the main facilitator of the gallery shows and has contributed back thousands of man hours to making Hartford an artistic and vibrant place to live. Amy has made people dreams come true through marketing and art and is now creating holistic wellness by being a nutritional coach and facilitator of group wellness retreats. They deserved a helluva party for all they have done and I was honored to celebrate their love and community contributions by throwing them a shindig. Then a few weeks before the actual event they surprised me and the DJ and officiant by telling us it was turning into a surprise wedding! What a hard secret to keep!
The night of the event was magical. Half way through the party, Tao and Amy surprised everyone with a beautiful wedding and moving vows. Afterwards,I danced with their friends, many I had never met, as if we were longtime best friends. People donated creative works of art and donated generously towards Tao and Amy's new life together. We ate chocolate and toasted them with love and well wishes that had people laughing,weeping and aghast with love and surprise.
I realized later, as my brain is wont to do, look back and think I should have said this or that, that I forgot to acknowledge my brother and Amy for all they have done. I forgot to say what they did to deserve all this celebration...however what everyone was present to is just who they ARE...love, creativity, fun, generous, spontaneous, courageous, caring and a contribution to so many. We were celebrating who they are being, not what they have done. I can be with that.

Then, with virtually no sleep, my brain was alive with love and buzzing, I got up before dawn and flew to CA for a wake and funeral for my beloved Nana that night.
I got that Life is short. We make is sweet. Or not. I choose sweet. Tao and Amy chose sweet. Everyone who attended and donated, despite threats of black ice and perhaps financial considerations, they all made it sweet.



My Nana, and my husband's amazing grandmother, a lovely, generous, sassy and kind lady made life sweet through loving her friends and families unconditionally. She never met a stranger. She had neighborhood children live with her when needed. She hosted parties, listened to my husbands endless stories as a child, created weekend adventures. She loved me fully, despite not being Latino or Catholic, she loved me simply because I loved/love her grandson Todd. She was a true lady.

I realized during the ceremony that no one spoke of how she was a secretary for an office, no one spoke of her job, or raising her child, the laundry or dishes etc. No one spoke of what she DID. Everyone was just present to who she was as a human being. Generous, kind, loving, fun....
That's what people are left remembering,that is what is real in life. It's not what we do while we are alive...it's who we are being...alive with love..alove...

Love to you.
Zen Honeycutt

Death and Love

" The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" - Kahlil Gibran

My Aunt Jade is dying. She is in hospice and is not completely aware anymore. She is happy and comfortable though, and at peace with the time being near.
My mother's older sister is a sassy San Fransican activist, one of the people who barrages the government with letters, emails and phone calls to save the whales, the water quality, the turtles in mexico. She is one of the reasons we have the society we do. She is creative, compassionate, fiery and tenacious.
She has straight, pure white hair, cut into a perfect bob that falls to her chin. She wears bright ethnic clothing, celebrating Mexico, Guatemala, Peru, Tibet and the Ecuador. She is a independent Chinese woman who speaks excellent Spanish, lives part time in Mexico, teaches high schoolers in San Francisco and enjoys a walk with her dog Radar in the park, chatting casually with her neighbors, more than anything.

I love her because she is vibrant, opinionated and active. She makes a difference in the world around her, and whether you agree with her, or see her verocity for change as passionate or angry, all agree that she knows she matters. She knows each one of us matters. She stood for each of us when we were too busy to email the government. And she emailed us again because she knows we matter and we can make a difference.
I love that about her. She empowers me to be active. She inspires me to care.

As we sat in the sunny dog park by her burgundy, forest green and gold Victorian home in San Francisco on a recent visit, a floral scarf wrapped around her head, wisps of white hair blowing in the breeze, I held her hand and summoned my then 7 year old over to us. I looked at my Aunt Jade and asked her, "If you could have one wish for our future generations, what would it be?"
She squinted at me through the sun, surprised, a little bit, inside her brown eyes, and said " Oh that's a big question...."
She looked down, for a moment, thoughtfully, then up, sure, and said to Ben and I, "To take care of the earth."
Ben looked at her solemnly and said. "I can do that."
I sighed, squeezed her hand and was complete with the relationship we have had. In my heart, my love for her was so full, it overflowed into the next generation.

The sorrow I feel for her near passing is not a misery of which I feel victim of. It is a deep understanding that I only feel this sorrow because I have had the honor to know her, to be influenced by her, to be related to her and to be inspired by her. All a blessing. All a gift.
I thank my Paw Paw (Chinese for Grandmother) for birthing and raising such a dynamic person. I thank her daughter Andra for caring for her mother generously, all the while creating a creative and vibrant life of her own passions. I thank my mother for having had a relationship with her sister that was joyful and open and allowed me to get to know my Aunt Jade. I celebrate her life and know that death is but a phase in life.

"Knowing that I am of the same nature as all other natural things, I know that there is really no seperate self, no seperate personality, no absolute death and no absolute life" - T'ien T'ung-Hsu...from my Zen calendar from my dear, dear sister.

That is a deep concept to grasp, especially in the midst of sorrow.I never understood how people could say that they want to have a party when they die, they want people to be happy. It felt so cold and fake. I get now, there is the opportunity, in her passing to celebrate having been a part of her life. We hurt from death because we love, and if we reside in the love we can be present to the miracles in life. It may continue to hurt, the sorrow is like the burning in the oven, and yet something beautiful can be created from it.
The question to ask ourselves, is from knowning this person, the eclectic, bold and outspoken Aunt Jade, and what she stands for, how will we now live our lives?



With Love to her beautiful and marvelous daughter Andra and compassionate son-in-law Brian,
Zen Honeycutt

The Last Year of Your Life

We watched 2012 last night. The movie plays out the scenerio of the ancient Mayan calendar being correct about a huge sun flare on December 21, 2012 sending out enough gases to cook our earth's core and disrupt the entire earth's land surface.
I know I was about two years late, the movie came out a while ago...but it was perfect that as we near a New Year to reflect upon, what if The END was next year? No I am not a Dooms Day-er or particularly appreciate a palpitating heart from the anxiety of what would happen to my family if the world were collapsing around us,crumbling into an abyss of the earth's core of hot lava...
But I do really really enjoy reflecting on the Way things ARE, or how I THINK they are....and if that is real or not...and what COULD Be...what's POSSIBLE.

I think that is a part of being ZEN...in the sense of the Buddhist philosophy of my namesake.
Being present to what is so and how that most likely isn't real...and being at peace with that.
I so often, like the commander who bases his actions on what the scientist says what he projects is going to happen to the earth, think that I KNOW what is going to happen..
Later today my husband will remember to fix that webcam for me, next week school will start and I will finally get to clean out the art closet, in the summer I will go visit my family in Connecticut and my kids will bond with my family of origin...
and I base my whole pattern of life on the future I am living into...that I think I KNOW.
When the Commander finds out things are not as the scientist says, he is angry. I do that. This SHOULD not be this way. The scientist, who has experience with nature being unpredictable, find it predictable that the unpredictable is happening.
More often lately, by being present, I am able to do this instead...BE with what's so. Then take action to create what I want to create. In this movie, the scientist created generosity, caring and LIFE.

What if we think we know and suddenly we saw our future wasn't real?

What if we just didn't know what our future will be like?

What would you do with the last year of your life?

What are you Creating?

I am creating that this is the year we turn life upside down as we know it. Like in the movie where the poles switch, what if I didn't base anything on anything the way I KNOW. What if I came from the UNPREDICTABLE?
Suddenly new things open up for me...
Surprises, Joy and Abundance in areas I once saw as lacking. Excitement in areas where I avoided....Love in areas that I with held. Real ADVENTURE and being PRESENT to my children.
Total LOVE.

What is also present to me is well, if we KNEW this was the last year of our life I would probably be really irresponsible and spend wild amounts of money on wild adventures around the world. There in lies the rub. We don't KNOW.
The world, most likely, historically, will continue on for a few thousand years give or take before a catastrophe happens. So if we come from we just don't KNOW...either way, we would probably work with what we've got right now and make that work to the fullest. And still,anything is possible...wild adventures included.

On New Year's Day we will have a Celebration of our Past Year and a CREATION Dinner of our Future with some dear friends.
Who knows what the future holds....but if we live like this is the last year of our life, I place my bets on a palpitating heart from living fully.


Zen L. Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

Yellow Cars and Awesomeness

As I drive down the tree lined, perfectly manicured streets of southern California, occasionally a Jaguar, Smart Car or the odd Hummer will stand out. Sometimes a green VW bug car or even the screaming yellow Mustang down the street will grab my minds eye for a moment. I have an opinion about the loudly colored cars...fun! we should have more color!...and yet that tiny judgmental voice in my head wants to make it mean something about the owner...needs attention...wears overpowering cologne...nouveau riche...something...but in general the cars are just background noise to my day, things that jumble and blend with the rest like the clothes washer noise in the hallway. Eventually no matter what color, I don't notice them.

Then we created a game with my sons. Yellow cars are two points! Suddenly cars became exciting, yellow cars, thrilling. We're pointing, playing and shouting with glee.It's a great way to learn to count by two, add, and take the attention off their brother's elbow which is encroaching on their sacred seat space.

Suddenly yellow cars are everywhere...yellow taxis, buses, yellow Ferraris, VW bugs, vans and construction vehicles. I cannot NOT see yellow cars now. Even when the boys are not in the car my inner voice hollers "Yellow Car! Two points!" My sons are up to forty something points, I would be at 200 probably. My context for yellow cars has shifted and where things were mundane before are suddenly fun. Life can be like that with anything...its all our creation.

It was like that for me yesterday when I created with a dear friend (we consistently create what we are up to for the day, hold each other accountable, acknowledge each other...it's great)..so I create that something AWESOME is going to happen today. Who I am going to take on is being Miraculous peace and JOY!

Suddenly I am looking for awesomeness. I am looking for where I can cause something miraculous to happen. And I don't mean like make a miracle happen because I planned and strategized. I mean, I look for the miracles that are already there and actually take a moment to let them be miraculous, to really Get them...to give something up....like that I have to control everything...and when I give that up and just be with my family...the miracle of love and joy and laughter shows up....nothing I could have planned for. Something miraculous.

Awesomeness and miracles pop up everywhere...not at first but when I share with my sons, "Guys, guess what??? I have this feeling that something AWESOME is going to happen today!" Suddenly they are on the edge of their seats, I am too...and we are looking for awesomeness like the yellow cars.

I get a phone call and a gracious woman from the city refunds my account 100 dollars for a class that she really didn't have to refund me. Awesome! I love this city!

I work on an area of my business which has been unclear to me and I get clarity like an smack in the face. This could not be awesome..this is not the news I wanted....or it could be awesome, if I chose to see that once I am clear about where I am not accomplishing what I want to accomplish, then I can choose to do something new and create.Clarity and CHOICE. That is awesome.

My friend Sandi calls me to meet up and she is radiant, grateful and we have an awesome time chatting, she listens to me and totally empowers me in what I am up to. Her love and attention is miraculous too, because she is going through some circumstances in her life that could curl your hair...and she is being determined and clear about who she is for her family. She is unconditional love, strength and the embodiment of anything is possible. I would say that is pretty darn miraculous.

Lots of awesome things happen. My eldest son performs a dance show for us after dinner. For someone who has been careful about dancing, he is sweet,vulnerable and yet unstoppable. He gestures and moves thoughtfully, expressively and creatively and then he powerfully explains his dance moves, new names like the "Pancake Flip Flop and XRay Jump". Awesome!

Our middle son learns to swim "ON TOP of the water!" and beams with pride like a puppy who has just tackled and won his first round of puppy fights. Thrilling!

Our youngest, 21 mnth old, learns how to string the "Bye bye" with a person's name and sings "Bye Shaun, Bye Shaun" in the car ride home, victorious with his progress. Speech is miraculous!

And before bed my husband fixes the kitchen garbage disposal without being asked. Awesome! Miracle!

I go to bed grateful, fullfilled and present to how miraculous my life is. Like yellow cars are everywhere...a game we made up called life...and I have a million bazillion quadrillion points.

What miracles are there in your life? I would love to know.

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

P.S. This blog is dedicated to my friend Anisa who says I say Awesome too much :)I love you, you're Awesome.

Follow the Leader...or else.

It is a bright white sun light kind of Sunday afternoon. We are at El Moro Canyon on the coast of Laguna Beach for a hike with dear dear family friends. The hillsides are several shades of silky green, with patches of yellow wildflowers. The ocean breeze tousles my children's hair and they jump and skip in anticipation at the base of the gravel path. I am present to just how incredibly amazing the day is, the air, the location and our friends. Where we live is gorgeous.

My son Bodee is also gorgeous. He is days away from five, on the cusp of Big Boy-dom.
I am not sure it means anything, but he is the sign of Aries (fire sign, like me) and the Chinese horoscope Rooster (like my husband) and we sometimes lovingly joke that he is often like a Rooster with his A** on fire.
He is at the head of our pack of six kids and three adults, jogging in place, calling us forth, electric energy exuding from all pores.
We follow. He runs, he explores. He throws rocks at bugs and smashes snake holes. He is a mighty warrior through and through.
Suddenly, our mildly strenuous hike up the gently sloping hill is interrupted by his scream that is in the realm of a mortally wounded wild boar. Bodee comes running back, away from the head of the group screaming, "They are trying to get in front of me! They are cheating! They are making me not the leader!"

His misery is heart wrenching. He sulks, hangs back and pouts angrily. After some time he can't help himself but to try to be the leader again, but this time he is fierce, muttering under his breath, eyes shifting back and forth, watching his peripherals with paranoid anger. He may be the leader, but he is not having fun. He is ferociously on guard, preventing that scenario from happening again. He will NOT be bested!

I have experienced that human beings have a way of being exactly the way Bodee behaved. I know I have. We strive forth, we explore and conquer. And then somebody does something. Somebody alllways does something..that we don't like. Or something goes the way we didn't want it to go. And that's it. Forget it. Pointless, useless, and definitely less fun.

We may pick ourselves up and try again....ask a different girl to dance, work harder, work longer, and yet that past experience hangs onto us like a paranoid monkey on our back with its hands over our eyes. We can't see what's really in front of us ...which is nothing....we can only see the past experience lurking, looming, breathing down our necks threatening the future we think we are creating. THAT's not going to happen to us again! It's why wars are started and borders are created, politicians filibust and siblings and spouses silently hold grudges for years.

On the way down Bodee runs with his brothers and friends until he collapses in his fathers arms, and Todd carries him the rest of the way. He is tired from leading. He rests and restores himself. Children can sleep anywhere.

In the silence of the easy hike downward, just the sound of gravel crunching softly beneath our feet, we are present not just to nature but to human nature. I am present to how perfect he is, exactly the way he is. His striving to be a leader is an expression, as my mother would say, of life itself.

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com