Today was one of those days where I clung to the bed until the very last second and then scraped my self out like a crusty pancake, flipped my self into a half assed shower and dragged the boys to school, baby still in his pajamas. All on auto pilot. Not a moment of pause, gratitude or creation, just pure doing, doing, doing.
I noticed, after the morning tasks were done, that I was in pure survival mode. It made sense. I hadn't fullfilled a basic need. Sleep.
The baby had a fever on and off for the past two days, teething AND sick... We were going on the second night of maybe two or three hours of straight sleep and very little else.
My brain and body had nothing else to pull from energy wise, except surviving and making it through the day. I noticed how clear it was for me that I wanted to quit life.
And I was making that wrong too...like there is something wrong with me because I want to give up. I am a BAD Mom. Deffinately a lazy wife...the house got progressively messier throughout the day as I snuck naps with the baby in between wailing and picking the boys up from school. Messy house...baby draws on walls...Bad Mom, Bad Mom....
My work too, the few things I had on the list didn't all get done...Bad business person.
Pretty soon I had enough evidence stacked up against me that it would SO not matter if I didn't keep my standing evening coaching commitment that I have with a phenomenal personal training and developement company. I am too tired, I won't make a difference...some one else can do it...
I emailed my husband to warn him how tired I was, what a mess the house was and what I needed tonight, snuggling etc to restore my energy ( I learned how to ask for what I want in a gracious way!..thats another blog).
Then I looked at my phone and almost texted my coach that I wouldn't be coaching. And then I thought about my commitment.
I am committed to honoring my word and being a person who creates and not reacts...someone who brings possibility to conversations where there was no possibility before...and I confirmed I would be there instead.
A surge of energy lifted my body. I picked up the house and made dinner. And I gave my husband a long hug, and asked HIM about his day rather than droning on for hours about my excruciating day. Connecting with and surprising him with a clean house made all the difference for my evening.
After a lovely dinner with my family (the boys actually ATE the vegetarian Indian food!)and hearing what they did today that they are proud of... I went to my coaching commitment. My exhaustion seems to melt away further with every conversation.
I learned that one woman is standing for her entire city to be a pace of Vitality and Aliveness and is causing the leadership of that city to have breakthroughs in everday politics.
A man shared with me that he is creating an entire Sheriffs department to have the acknowledgement they deserve in his mountain town.
A salon owner share that she no longer lives a life of "What IF..." (something bad might happen...so better not do that) but of action and creation.
Another Mom of two young kids can see now that she realized that some people have conversations of "I can't" and she has a conversation of "I can" and that is the only thing that sets them apart and why she does what she says she will do.
I love coaching. I get to just listen and empower them.
I drove him not exhausted from the circumstances of life, not overwhelmed by what I didn't do all day, but present to how amazing my life also is, how I have so much going on because I am committed to a life of adventure and love and my natural wellness business. That matters to me. And it's just natural that there will be times of not accomplishing Everything I would like to.
Keeping my word and coaching also got me present to how many incredibly generous and compassionate and courageous people I have the privilege to meet. Then I get present to my insanely incredible husband with my miraculously sleeping baby draped over his shoulder...I am present to being just ready for bed, for snuggling,for a deeply fullfilling sleep...and creating a day tomorrow of Thriving!
Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com
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