The Gateway to Adventure

Last summer I was on survival mode. I planned camp for the kids for every other week and got panicky when I had a whole week ahead of me with them. What to do every day and how will I get them to either stop watching TV or stop fighting?
But it wasn't just that. I had fear. Fear that if they didn't stop watching TV ie: listen to me...or fighting, that I would yell at them and my yelling, my out of control anger would mess them up. My real fear about a whole summer with the kids was not about them. I love them. It was about me being with them... I was afraid that I would somehow mess my kids up.Forever.

I saw this summer that that was not empowering, totally inauthentic to who I am, and just NOT FUN.

So I created something new. Who I am is the possibility of Love,Generosity and Amazing Adventures! Really, who I am is the Gateway to ADVENTURE!

Inside of that, summer is so fun! And surprising! And spontaneous! I have a theme for everyday of the week, Magical Musical Monday, Terrific Scientific Tuesday, Wonderful Nature Wednesday, "My Surprise!" Thursday and Artsy Fartsy Friday. Yes we have our adventures in laziness too, but each day I create a new activity with whatever supplies we have, according to the theme, the kids look forward to it and I do to.
We have been camping in bear country and crabbin' in Connecticut. We have been to caves and mountains and seas...and I have been their sole caretaker for a month straight, 24, 7. I have taught them to cut fish heads and they have learned to ride bikes. One has claimed archery as his sport and the other wakes me up playing the Indiana Jones theme song on the piano. How's THAT for adventure! They have fought muddy, water sponge fort wars and sawed and hammered wooden catapults. They have sung silly songs around campfire, made new friends and swam with old ones. They have had a lifetime of adventure in a month and it's not stopping.
These things would not have been possible, sharing these adventures together, if I was still being the fearful and surviving the summer.

They only went to camp for one full week this summer (the camp they WANTED to go to), and I went with them and volunteered and had amazing adventures with them. The two older boys went with Daddy for a long Cub Scout weekend and I had alone time with Bronson. No "break from the boys". But it doesn't occur to me that I "need" one. I am not surviving my boys. I am so present, when we are hiking together, or learning why we burp or playing "Will it freeze?" that I GET TO be home with them and create adventures with them. It is my honor and privilege. It is a sacred gift of time. Even when they are screaming at each other, although it sometimes feels unbearable, I GET to be the one to have them sort it out. I GET to be the one to be with them and their feelings, good or bad.

Sure, I take time to write while they play legos I love my time of peace and alone time too, I am not attached at the hip with them constantly. But my life is free now, either way, not a burden. My sleep is deep and restorative. The gratitude I have for my husband providing this life for us and out partnership, is unlike I have ever imagined. It is deep and energizing. My days are filled with adventures with the boys and I cherish each day. I also feel proud of who I am as a Mom. Inside of being the Gateway to Adventure, there is no way I can mess them up. Messes will happen, sure, but they are their own adventurers, on their own path and I am just the gateway. It's their life. I don't always get the dishes done right away and sometimes I still holler for them to put their shoes on, but it's all inside of an adventure called a CREATED life, that we get to share, on our way, each day together.

Wishing you many free and wondrous adventures!

Zen Honeycutt

The Song of Summer

The stretch of summer would loom before me, endless days and weeks with my three boys home every day. Every. Day. Home, with me, cooped up, antsy, or perhaps lazy, laying around watching way too much TV and aggravated by the idea of going outside on our hot, baking brick patio to play. My mind would go into panic mode. WHAT am I going to DO with them all summer? I knew I had the beach and lots of activities in So Cal, but with every day being ALL ON ME, with three active boys, I was stressed. I would scour the parenting magazines and city rec guides for camps. I would declare that my husband's bonus would be the source of paying for the multiple camps and when he balked I would not budge. I would get tight lipped and edgy because he didn't understand....HE wasn't the one home all summer with their whining and fighting and belligerent bad manners. They were mostly good boys, but they were boys all the same. We had our moments where I felt like I was going to crush them all like HULK woman and a whole summer of that would surely put me over the edge. So I booked them with activities. We might have a week in between camps, but when we did we simply stayed home and if I really tell the truth they probably watched 5 hours of TV most days. Embarrassing. Boring. Exhausting. And it definitely induced those cranky fights I dreaded. After the TV went off the screeching accusations, grabbing and aggressive behavior was enough to make me either scream so loud I avoided the neighbors for weeks, or I would resist, resent and retreat and shut the door for far too long to be considered being an actual parent.Then I would regret. Disgraceful. Dangerous even. I was a disapointment of a Mom...to myself.
I was just surviving the summer. Fun was stifled.

This summer is completely transformed. It's like I have a new song. I created the possibility of Adventure, Love and Generosity and my world has entirely shifted. Through my seminar at Landmark and my weekly buddy calls, I have created being accountable for my life in a whole new way. Maybe other Moms got this when they first had kids, I am just grateful I got it now. I am the source of my happiness as a mother, not my kids. Not the circumstances like, whether it is summer or hot or not or they are sick or not or we have extra room in the budget or not. No. No matter what, I am the source of my happiness as a mother and I am the source of how our household goes. I set the tone.
So I set it. Adventure is our tone. Love and Generousity is who I am being.

This summer the boys went to one week long summer Cub Scout camp and I went with them and volunteered. I got to be in their world and it was dirty and busy and filled with raucous summer camp songs! A week an a half later the older boys went to a weekend camp with Daddy and I stayed home with Bronson. 100% Bronson and Mommy time. No "break from the kids." And I am not in the least bit tweaked out by that. We could afford camp, I just don't have the need to send them, the panic is gone. I am planning fun days, and we are thoroughly enjoying each other's company.

Today as we watched a YOUtube video and learned how to make origami swans and ninja stars I just relished learning something new with them. We created something together. I didn't just tell them to do it and walk away to do dishes. I sat, got curious, we struggled, we started again and we completed them. I learned something new and creative with my kids rather than paying someone else to do it. The swans are our trophies of a successful summer day.

I realize that my boys have been delightful and surprising the past couple weeks of being home. They have been asking to help around the house,they have been reading and doing math when I request it. They have been playing with each other as the bestest of friends in the world and hardly fighting. They care about what I ask them to do too. I got that the more time I spend with them, the closer and more bonded we are. The closer the bond, the more loving we are and the more agreeable they are to cooperate with me and the more FUN we have. The more time I spend with them, the more I want to spend time with them.

Later when I rested and watched a cooking show while they played legos, we got inspired by the cookies, so we made four different kinds because it's summer and we get to do WHATEVER WE WANT, whenever want. I felt so joyful, free, so grateful and so in love with my kids and my life.

When I sent my husband Todd a picture of us doing origami and baking cookies he emailed me back..."statistics are that So Cal parents are paying ten of thousands of dollars per year for enrichment for their kids. You are doing that with them. What you are doing is priceless."
My eyes welled up with tears. My husband, whom I once thought secretly wished I was making money to contribute to the family and doing something he could be proud of, was acknowledging that the choice we made for me to be a Stay at Home Mom, was priceless.
The greatest adventure is one of love and generosity... I wish you many such adventures, and may every day be summer and full of songs.

Zen Honeycutt