Boys will be Boys

" Boys will be boys" a tired looking Mom would say with an exasperated but knowing sigh. I was in my early twenties and completely repelled by young boys, wrinkling my nose when a eight year old would push past me in a restaurant.I would feel sorry for them and anyone who had boys or had to be around boys. What a pain in the rear they are....so dirty and violent and spazzy. ECCCH. I hope I have girls someday.

Today I have three boys, 7, 5 and 21 months. I am in the middle of mayhem: spitting, wrestling, screeching, farting, burping,rocket ship blast noises,shooting, teasing, Indian rope burns, wet willies in ears, pee pee underwear balled up in corners, rocks in beds, boys falling off chairs and loud thunks of things bouncing off walls.

And I love it. Okay, not always. Sometimes I am to the limit of dirt and camping vacations. Mommy needs silence, a nice hotel and spa with hand and foot impeccable service.
But I can say, Thanks to my husband, my boys, and some great courses, I GET boys now. I actually marvel at them and delight in their quirks, talents, instincts, motivations and expressions.

I noticed that the other day when standing in the shade at the park, watching my boys play. My eldest was being chased by two younger boys. They were ganging up on him and Ben stopped, stood there and smirked at them. One of the smaller boys mother scolded them, exasperated, " Boys be NICE. Can't you just play NICELY???"

They turned and looked at us, with a blank look, moths gaped open, eyes completely checked out. Huh? Do you speaka my language?? they seemed to say...It struck me that boys have NO Interest in playing nice. Not even when they are the ones being chased. Girls play nice. Girls connect and play house and marry themselves off. Boys don't strive for "Nice". They do play nicely, they just don't strive for it. They want conquest, conflict, struggle and conquering! YES! Chase me! Then I will chase you!! "PSSHHHT! PSHHHT!" You're dead!"

"Boys, when given the choice between Right and Fun , will always choose FUN. " -Allison Armstrong.www.paxprograms.com

And they do..not to be naughty. It's just their instinctual, primal drive...fun fun FUN! It's play war, play battle, play conquering.WIN!!! It prepares then for the challenge of providing for their mate someday. It's practice for being a man.

Teachers who don't get this have a helluva time in the classroom. In a classroom boys are not set up to win, they are expected to sit, listen and behave...be nice...sooooo boring for them. I am guessing most female teachers are constantly annoyed by boys. They might see boys as dirty, spazzy, misbehaving GIRLS. When they expect boys to behave like girls they are constantly disappointed, exhausted by, and frustrated by boys. Anyone would be.
It's all about the context.

Now, when I think "Boys will be boys." it's with a new context, a newfound relish and peace of mind. They are doing what they are doing and I love them. I love their drive to help me, provide for me, save their friends and rescue people. Boys are relentlessly driven to be the hero. Their wiggle worm antics and noises of interruption are their way of preparing to battle, conquer and provide for a beautiful girl someday.
That's marvelous.
Those girls will be so lucky.

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

Multiple Choice Night

Leftovers night as a child was always so disappointing. "Mom, I'm hungry, what's for dinner?" I would hang around her like a starving wolf, pacing behind her as she cooked on the white old fashioned stove.
"Leftovers! " She would say cheerily.

"Awwww leftovers.....my shoulders would droop, I would sigh, and set my face in a frown and get ready to survive dinner. Leftovers always sounded so gross. Left over...the stuff that has been picked through,forgotten for how many days... may be contaminated by peoples germs, who knows? Definitely over cooked,mushy and gross.

Tonight, as I heat left over chicken, peas, and since that may not feed five,
(four of which are of the male gender and may turn out eventually to be scientifically proven to have three stomachs each )...I also heat up left over meat pasta. I have a new appreciation for my mother, who commuted and worked full time as a child care development official for the State of Connecticut, raised three kids, was married for 32 years, and was a partner in a summer resort which often hosted 55 people a weekend. AND came home and cooked great dinners. Leftover night to her was awesome. No cooking from scratch. I get it. As I arrange the food attractively on the plate, I look at the colorful display of assorted foods, it dawns on me.
It's all context.

How about Multiple Choice Night?
Usually dinner is "This is what's for dinner." Period. If they don't like it, they go to bed hungry. Seriously, unless we are eating fiery hot Indian food, we all eat the same thing and if they don't like it, well, too bad. We don't make peanut butter sandwiches ( well, sunbutter in our house) at 8:00 pm (anymore) because someone didn't want to try fish with black bean sauce, rice and bok choy. We aren't mean about it, we don't say it in a hostile voice, that's just the way it is. Sort of like buckling up the seat belt. That's just the way it is.

Because of that, I like to think, my almost 5 year old actually dipped fresh spinach leaves into a green mushy Indian pea sauce the other night and loved it. My 7 yr old jumped up and down with glee when I bought brussel sprouts for him. No kidding. They know that what's so is "This is what's for dinner."
Then we encourage and celebrate when they try something new.
Last week, when Bodee said, eyeing red peppers suspiciously, "Mommy, I don't want to try something new, I only want what I have tried before."

I responded simply, " Bodee, everything you have eaten, was, at one time, new."

He looks confused and then gets it. He sighs and tries it. He lits up with delight when he likes it!

Tonight we have a special surprise. Like a buffet, they will get to do something they never usually do for dinner, they will have a choice...it's Multiple choice night. They get the power to chose and it's an empowering context for everyone...something to look forward to rather than survive. Yea! Dinner!

Have any other ideas for jazzy names for leftover night?

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com