Multiple Choice Night

Leftovers night as a child was always so disappointing. "Mom, I'm hungry, what's for dinner?" I would hang around her like a starving wolf, pacing behind her as she cooked on the white old fashioned stove.
"Leftovers! " She would say cheerily.

"Awwww leftovers.....my shoulders would droop, I would sigh, and set my face in a frown and get ready to survive dinner. Leftovers always sounded so gross. Left over...the stuff that has been picked through,forgotten for how many days... may be contaminated by peoples germs, who knows? Definitely over cooked,mushy and gross.

Tonight, as I heat left over chicken, peas, and since that may not feed five,
(four of which are of the male gender and may turn out eventually to be scientifically proven to have three stomachs each )...I also heat up left over meat pasta. I have a new appreciation for my mother, who commuted and worked full time as a child care development official for the State of Connecticut, raised three kids, was married for 32 years, and was a partner in a summer resort which often hosted 55 people a weekend. AND came home and cooked great dinners. Leftover night to her was awesome. No cooking from scratch. I get it. As I arrange the food attractively on the plate, I look at the colorful display of assorted foods, it dawns on me.
It's all context.

How about Multiple Choice Night?
Usually dinner is "This is what's for dinner." Period. If they don't like it, they go to bed hungry. Seriously, unless we are eating fiery hot Indian food, we all eat the same thing and if they don't like it, well, too bad. We don't make peanut butter sandwiches ( well, sunbutter in our house) at 8:00 pm (anymore) because someone didn't want to try fish with black bean sauce, rice and bok choy. We aren't mean about it, we don't say it in a hostile voice, that's just the way it is. Sort of like buckling up the seat belt. That's just the way it is.

Because of that, I like to think, my almost 5 year old actually dipped fresh spinach leaves into a green mushy Indian pea sauce the other night and loved it. My 7 yr old jumped up and down with glee when I bought brussel sprouts for him. No kidding. They know that what's so is "This is what's for dinner."
Then we encourage and celebrate when they try something new.
Last week, when Bodee said, eyeing red peppers suspiciously, "Mommy, I don't want to try something new, I only want what I have tried before."

I responded simply, " Bodee, everything you have eaten, was, at one time, new."

He looks confused and then gets it. He sighs and tries it. He lits up with delight when he likes it!

Tonight we have a special surprise. Like a buffet, they will get to do something they never usually do for dinner, they will have a choice...it's Multiple choice night. They get the power to chose and it's an empowering context for everyone...something to look forward to rather than survive. Yea! Dinner!

Have any other ideas for jazzy names for leftover night?

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com

Cut it out! Knock it off! Stop it!

" Cut it out! Knock it off! Stop it!"
My husband half chuckles. He "knows" he should be telling him to stop, but he's so cute he laughs. Bodee is near naked, besides his Spiderman underwear at the breakfast table, and he is standing on the chair doing a spontaneous dance.....then he turns and points his butt at us and waggles it with glee.
Todd's command is ineffective and it is not until he almost tips the chair over that Bodee stops himself, sits down and eats his eggs.

What comes to mind is the perfectly behaved Chinese kids I often see at the huge round tables at restaurants, silently and politely having dim sum with their families. Meanwhile, my kids are laughing, tickling each other under the table,and dangling their noodles in front of their faces before slurping them up with relish. The little voice in my head says...I am half Chinese...what happened with my kids?

"That's what's wrong with America," some may say...."Parent's are not disciplining their children. They let them run wild and act all crazy at the dinner tables, let 'em get away with anything and then before you know it they are getting locked up."

Yeah, yeah, judge as you will. Tonight we are laughing at the dinner table. We enjoy our children's songs and creative play with their food as long as they are eating. We all hold hands and look each other in the eyes as one of the boys leads our prayer, and then we say in unison " God is great, God is good, and we Thank you for our food, AMEN-ies!" Sometime the baby claps after we pray.

It's a moment of unity, gratitude and grounding.
I don't care if Bodee is not dressed tonight. I don't care if he is dancing once in a while. The family meals are a time to connect, and let's face it, a 5 year old communication skills consist predominately of imaginative play. They are still working out what a conversation is. Mostly his play with friends comprises sounds of battle ships shooting,light sabers swooshing and high pitched cartoon characters saying " Oh Noooo! he's gonna get me"...and then a deep voice booms "I'll save you!"
So for him to tell a story, do a dance, eat his french fries like airplanes and waggle his butt now and then ...well, it's an example to me of freedom and fun as a family.

The real kicker is in not comparing my kids to other kids. I find that it's automatic...and if I am not careful I can make it mean something..my kid dances half naked at the table at home, and out, their kids are quiet, our kids are hiding under the table cloth, shrieking, and I think one just ate a fried noodle off the floor....I could make that mean that I am a lenient, lazy Mom and they are hoodlums. I could. And I would have some pretty good evidence according to some.

Or I could chose a more empowering context, an empowering perspective, if you will. I could choose to see that we are living life, our kids are free to dance, to waggle, to giggle. They are fully self expressed and create laughter, love and fun.

Manners are good too, and for the really important times and places we empower them with those tools...but getting caught up in what they are doing means something about us as parents...is a no win situation.
They are kids.We are parents. For the most part, if they are having fun, so are we.
And if we are having fun, so can they.


Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com