Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Little Girl or B#*!ch on Wheels

Today I took on powerful partnership with men in a whole new way.
When I was a little girl, my father scared me. Being 6'2" and having a loss of 40% of his hearing in one ear and 60% in the other from cannons in World War II, he compensated for that by shouting most of the time, so it wasn't too hard for him to scare a five year old. Around men, later in life, I reacted by becoming a little girl. I apologized alot and didn't say what I wanted.
Sometimes, when any male in my life appeared to be even the tiniest bit weak or tired, I would unleash my anger about not getting what I wanted, and go after them, I would get mad and nasty and try to dominate.
So when conflict arose with men, I fluctuated between a small, meak Little Girl or a B&*^ch on wheels. Not fun, not powerful, definitely not productive in business.

Today I was looking into what seemed to be a very exciting possibility for nationwide advertising for my business. I wanted it to happened, it was a good idea, almost too good to be true.... and yet I wanted to do it. My Little Girl wanted it now and my B*&^ch in Wheels was getting hissy with my husband who didn't want me to.

I, or rather my identity, that running commentary in my head, that I used to think was actually me....that little voice says..."Do it! It will be exciting, Grand and you will be Famous! Yea!"
and " Kill off anyone who says no! "
Last night, I didn't want to listen to all the negative feedback I was getting from other business people about the deal...they are just naysayers, I thought.

This morning, as I looked at the contract, my husband's voice said in my head "This is a Business decision, that's it...it doesn't mean anything about you, it's just business."

So I took off the Little Girl and B&^ch on Wheels perspectives..Thank you very much but go have a vacation! and just reviewed the contract, spoke with the CEO of the company and asked him, respectfully, about all the areas that didn't work for me and were not clear about the green standards. I listened to him as someone with a real commitment to creating a company with integrity and told him so.
There was no little girl on that call, no B%&*ch. Just a clear, present conversation from one business owner to another about how something could be created that would work. I contributed to him. I challenged him with calm questions. I spoke for the customers who want authenticity from the companies they buy from, I stood for mothers who demand to be able to trust the standards that companies uphold who make products for their children, I invited him to CAUSE a change in they way business is done or well, he could ride the wave of greenwashing and trends....either way would make him money...there is just a choice. I chose to partner with integrity and sustainability. When he chose not to create what I invited him to create at this time, I was okay with that. No attachment. In fact, what was present was partnership for a new kind of conversation about green advertising, no matter what...a shifting in perception and standards.

By the end of the conversation he wanted to hire me for his company. He said he would send me a gift for my birthday for my time, we chuckled and acknowledged his commitment to creating something new. I wish him the very best...not of luck, but of being someone who causes business to go the way that works for all of us..sustainable business.
I am my commitment. I am not partaking in this opportunity, and yet I am strong and free in expressing my commitment to the earth and future generations of little girls...possibly on roller skates...everywhere.

Zen Honeycutt

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