Sunday, July 11, 2010

Romancexting...Renewing a Marriage from Afar.

It's 5 pm on the fifth day of my husband being away. An unmade dinner calls to me like a lonely cowboy from the kitchen. My boys disagree for the twentieth time about the placement of the castle of pillows they are making in the living room. My 5 year old Bodee suddenly screeches bloody murder at Bronson, the almost two year old, who has other ideas for the pillows. It's a matter of life or death and at this rate Bodee is going to bust an eye socket or internally combust.

So I drag myself from the bed upon which I had a brief flirtation of a rest...
settle the conniption on my way to the kitchen, pick up a squashed black olive from the night before and start the picnic dinner for the concert on the lake where I said we would meet some friends.
I don't want to though. I am tired, the kids are rowdy, and I am not inspired to get the kids into the car for the fourth time today.

I hear my phone beep as I pull out the fixings for dinner.
I check it and it is a text from Todd. A photo of the very spot we met 12 years ago and " I love you". He is in New York City for a writers conference ( which is going fabulously ) and he has left the conference on a break, walked or taken the subway twenty blocks uptown, in the heat, to just BE at the spot we met 12 years ago, Lincoln Center, swing dancing at Mid Summer Night Swing. It means that much to him, and he knows it means that much to me.
My eyes fill with tears. My heart fills with love.
I can't imagine a more romantic thing to do, a more romantic way of being, than who he is right now. I blubber a text back about how romantic he is and how I can't wait to kiss him...
I remember my committment to him to be supportive. I told him before he left "Don't worry about us, I will have FUN with the kids, just love them and we will have a great time."
He said. " Great, that's the best way you can support me."
I text about the fun things we have done and are about to do...
My body feels light, energized and ready to go.

When we arrive at the concert on the lake, the band just starts the very first notes of the swing song "In the Mood", our wedding song...a wild coincidence.
I call him back to hear his voice, tell him about the song, and I get that although we are 3,000 miles apart, we have never felt closer or more connected.
After 12 years of knowing each other, it's those little moments of anticipating what the other person might like...of creating a special moment by a sweet gesture, a thoughtful glance or note...photographing a special spot and sending it by phone...a romantical text...earlier he texted me the spot where he's those moments that renew our marriage daily.
We are not "Sexting"...we are an old married couple:) (just joking) but we are create romance through texting..not sure if the word Romancexting works, but what the hell. It works for me!
The marriage feels new, alive, vividly colorful and intense.

And at the same moment I become aware of so many times when I don't take the opportunity to create these kind of moments or when I don't recognize when Todd is doing those things...I am just too busy being busy. I realize that there are many many times when Todd is being romantic in his own ways that I am not looking for so I often don't notice. I suddenly see that my story about him not being romantic is just a bunch of hooey. He is. He is beyond what I could even hope for. I was just busy seeing him another way, so I could be right ( oooooh I love being right!) and perhaps get attention....and I get that that is not the kind of attention I want. This kind is waaaaay better.

In the South Coast Plaza mall, where I took my kids to change things up a little while Daddy was away earlier in the day, there was a store under renovation and the blank wall had a giant cursive quotation on the wall "Change the way you see the things and things change."

There was nothing wrong with him. It was all my perspective. My perspective of "he isn't __________" created more of him being not ___________. I could fill that in with lots of judgments and assessments....

The funny thing is, this time, I didn't control, strategize, beg, plead, hint, convince, demand for him,tell him or try to fix him to be as romantic as he has been on this trip away. All I did was support him, in what mattered to him. I created the space, structure and support for him to pursue his dreams. And what showed up was the Man of My Dreams.
That's a marriage that excites and delights me... that's miraculous... no matter how far apart, how tired... that's freedom and bliss.

Zen Honeycutt

Thanks for reading my shares about my life...when I share this it become more real for me, more miraculous. I invite you to look in your life too..where might have you been too busy to notice something romantic your partner has done...or where are you supporting your partner in having a life of their dreams...and what miracles have shown up from that??
They are there...miracles show up when we take a moment and honor those moments.
Thanks for reading and being a part of me honoring one of those moments in my life.

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