Saturday, June 26, 2010

Being " Nice" Is not Empowering

I am speaking with a dear friend of mine about some feelings of frustration and resentment I have towards my nanny and assistant. I don't want to feel this way, I adore and appreciate her, but right now, GRRRRR. I want to get these feelings out...

What happened was I was trying to take a nap, she was at my home and checked on me...then later brought me food to give me energy and woke me up.
What I made that mean is that I "shouldn't be napping" in her eyes, she needs to take care of me, because I wasn't taking care of myself the way she thinks I should, and I can't do what I want in my own house!!!!

My friend asked me "What do you want to say to her?"
I said "You're awesome, but No Thanks."
She said, " That's NICE. What do you really want to say to her?"
I got it.
" Leave me the F*(^&* alone!!!! You are not my Mother or Nurse!!! When I need to nap I need to nap!!!"
I was really surprised by the ferocious energy behind the resentment.
My friend said " Being "Nice" is not empowering."
Whoa. That is a complete shift in perspective for me.
Aren't we supposed to be nice? Especially so important to be nice!

I got suddenly though, that being nice...when something isn't working for me, leaves me resentful and not getting what I need and the other person completely in the dark, not able to give me what I need if they want to and not understanding any resentment they may sense from me. I saw that me trying to be nice and let her talk to me while I am resting or wake me up was just not working for us. It's also completely irresponsible of me in my communication!

Being straight with people is much more effective. And it empowers both of us.
Being authentic and creative was missing in that interaction.
I don't have to be rude and spit fire, but I can just say what I need. REALLY I can do that. The world won't cave in. She won't melt. I won't turn into a harpy.

I suddenly saw new actions I could take to create empowerment for both of us. A fun creative sign for the door when I am napping or want to be alone...
"HALT!! The Queen Rests. Thank you for your loyalty. YOU SHALL BE REWARDED" So in a few minutes I made one with a crown and hearts. This will empower my husband and kids as well, to respect the times when I need privacy. Yeah!! Multiple issues solved!

I take on being authentic and creative with my friend/nanny/assistant as well and we connect and create partnership. She tells me what works and doesn't work for her and I learn about how I can be of support to her too. I feel like a huge sigh is released from my body. I am straight with her and she gets me. And we get to create something new and empowering that is new for both of us. She will live with us part time and save money on expenses while supporting me part time with the kids and business. Our family still has alone time and she has friend, work and fun time.

In the old days, my father, who is 85, told us that his mother Cora and her sister Fanny lived in connecting houses and would lift up the toilet seat and holler down it in high pitched voices " CooooooorAAAAA!" " Yes Fannnnnnieeeeeee!" and that would be the sign that they needed each other. They had each other at nearly arms reach. Most woman go it alone sister or aunt living next door.

My generous friend/nanny/assistant and I are creating that kind of partnership...but not by being "nice" being straight with what matters to us, what works and doesn't work for us and creating something new with responsible Communication....just minus the toilet.

Zen Honeycutt

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Future of Food and our lives....

I am ready to rant. Seriously. Just watched the "Future of Food" (available on Netflix) and am so riled up I could walk up to the President of Monsanto and the FDA and punch them in the face. ( Ok, I know, not very "Zen".) Or at least do a citizen arrest.I get what the "Crazy liberals" are chanting and waving signs about at the GMO food protests now. I get it. There is a crime of nature going on and most of us just don't know it. Because money, control and convenience are more important.

My father used to smoke something like 10 packs a day of cigarettes in the 40's for a while, he was a total chain smoker. He remembers ads that said "Camel cigarettes...they soothe the throat." No kidding. He thought he was doing something good for himself for a short time.
(When he found out my Mom was pregnant he stopped THANK YOU DAD!!! Amazing will power!)

The food industry has that same kind of smokescreen up right now. There is a huge percentage of our food that is genetically modified and patentented/owned by Monsanto (80% of all corn and soybeans) and we don't know it because it's not labeled. All of the European countries won't allow GM foods...but we Americans don't even know because it's just too inconvenient to label it.

What does it matter? Ok:

#1) Genetically modified is NOT natural..meaning our bodies don't know how to process a tomato with flounder fish genes in it (allows it to ripen in the cold) and so we become allergic to it....know any kids with a lot of allergies to all kinds of food especially cow's milk (fed GM corn), soy (80% US GM) and wheat...increasing GM???) Um, most of us??

#2) Genetically modified food comes from genetically modified seeds, which have been in the case of corn, as an example, been injected with some kind of chemical derived from a NERVE GAS (BT?) which is an pesticide which KILLS the worm that eats the corn....ok so what does it do to humans??? My kids??? I wonder if GM foods could be linked to the rise in autism and developemental delays which are exponenetially on the rise?

#3) To top it all off, the majority of the people in leadership positions of the FDA..that regulates all of this...have been on the board or in leadership positions of Monsanto. The laws for regulation have been laughable...they are basically complete what ever you want, just make money and donate to our political careers.

There are lots of other reasons to be alarmed, in action, and causing a shift in how our food is manufactured..injustices to farmers,third world hunger monopolization, crops taht are programmed not to reseed...sterile crops, so that the farmer in a third world MUST buy from Monsanto...(and we wonder why some other countries hate Americans???, Monsanto owning over 11,000 patents on seeds,on our world's food... thousands of types of potatoes and corn that are extinct because the four large food companies only grow about four types....etc, but the top three above take the cake for me.

I took on being a champion for "green" several years ago....preached to my family and friends about parabens,plastics, preservatives, and pesticides. I created a Green Earth Festival and a group called "Moms for Mother Earth". Then I saw the green movement grow around me... I had wanted to be a spear head person in growing it. The paper work for "Moms for Mother Earth " to be a non profit was daunting, however and I chose to direct my energy on kids and business.

One day as I went to the grocery store I saw two out of three other people approaching Sprouts carrying reusable bags. I breathed a sigh of relief and said to myself...ok there are lots of "Moms for Mother Earth" out there now. People know about plastic bags, saving energy and healthy personal care. Time to Champion another cause.

Like GMO food...
Folks, take a moment to consider that your voice matters. Buying Organic MATTERS:
it is Non GMO only because 250,000 US citizens wrote to the government and caused that standard.
Walmart has dropped the growth hormone rBGH (owned by Monsanto) from its dairy products because their customers spoke up!

We caused that. Those emails you get to send a petition...they matter. Buying organic of from Co-Ops matters.You matter. The natural structure of our food matters...our future generations matter.
Thank you for reading a Mom's rant and taking action for people and our planet.

Zen Honeycutt

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Basic Needs...Surviving versus Thriving

Today was one of those days where I clung to the bed until the very last second and then scraped my self out like a crusty pancake, flipped my self into a half assed shower and dragged the boys to school, baby still in his pajamas. All on auto pilot. Not a moment of pause, gratitude or creation, just pure doing, doing, doing.
I noticed, after the morning tasks were done, that I was in pure survival mode. It made sense. I hadn't fullfilled a basic need. Sleep.
The baby had a fever on and off for the past two days, teething AND sick... We were going on the second night of maybe two or three hours of straight sleep and very little else.
My brain and body had nothing else to pull from energy wise, except surviving and making it through the day. I noticed how clear it was for me that I wanted to quit life.
And I was making that wrong there is something wrong with me because I want to give up. I am a BAD Mom. Deffinately a lazy wife...the house got progressively messier throughout the day as I snuck naps with the baby in between wailing and picking the boys up from school. Messy draws on walls...Bad Mom, Bad Mom....
My work too, the few things I had on the list didn't all get done...Bad business person.
Pretty soon I had enough evidence stacked up against me that it would SO not matter if I didn't keep my standing evening coaching commitment that I have with a phenomenal personal training and developement company. I am too tired, I won't make a difference...some one else can do it...
I emailed my husband to warn him how tired I was, what a mess the house was and what I needed tonight, snuggling etc to restore my energy ( I learned how to ask for what I want in a gracious way!..thats another blog).
Then I looked at my phone and almost texted my coach that I wouldn't be coaching. And then I thought about my commitment.

I am committed to honoring my word and being a person who creates and not reacts...someone who brings possibility to conversations where there was no possibility before...and I confirmed I would be there instead.
A surge of energy lifted my body. I picked up the house and made dinner. And I gave my husband a long hug, and asked HIM about his day rather than droning on for hours about my excruciating day. Connecting with and surprising him with a clean house made all the difference for my evening.
After a lovely dinner with my family (the boys actually ATE the vegetarian Indian food!)and hearing what they did today that they are proud of... I went to my coaching commitment. My exhaustion seems to melt away further with every conversation.

I learned that one woman is standing for her entire city to be a pace of Vitality and Aliveness and is causing the leadership of that city to have breakthroughs in everday politics.
A man shared with me that he is creating an entire Sheriffs department to have the acknowledgement they deserve in his mountain town.
A salon owner share that she no longer lives a life of "What IF..." (something bad might better not do that) but of action and creation.
Another Mom of two young kids can see now that she realized that some people have conversations of "I can't" and she has a conversation of "I can" and that is the only thing that sets them apart and why she does what she says she will do.
I love coaching. I get to just listen and empower them.

I drove him not exhausted from the circumstances of life, not overwhelmed by what I didn't do all day, but present to how amazing my life also is, how I have so much going on because I am committed to a life of adventure and love and my natural wellness business. That matters to me. And it's just natural that there will be times of not accomplishing Everything I would like to.
Keeping my word and coaching also got me present to how many incredibly generous and compassionate and courageous people I have the privilege to meet. Then I get present to my insanely incredible husband with my miraculously sleeping baby draped over his shoulder...I am present to being just ready for bed, for snuggling,for a deeply fullfilling sleep...and creating a day tomorrow of Thriving!

Zen Honeycutt

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Heart on Fire!

It is my wedding day. The sun is setting and I am resting for a brief moment, watching my friends dancing on the outdoor dance floor in front of the pond. My friend Domique is dancing with a friend of my husbands and she is sexy, enchanting and radiant. Our friend Dan, who is standing beside me, says softly, "Dom knows just the right time to turn her sexiness on and off." In other words, she is fully aware of her femininity and knows how to use it appropriately. I so admire this quality. I want to know how to be like that.

Whoooooooeeeeee!I found out how tonight! have just completed the PAX ( meaning peace) Program "Celebrating Men & Sex". No, this is not a rated R blog. I will share like a lady. I want to clarify right off the bat that I did not take this course because there was anything wrong.I took it to expand what's possible after 11 years of marriage and to learn about men, myself, and to claim my femininity. I am estatic to express the joy, freedom and excitement that I now have around myself, understanding men and their perspective on sex.

It's FASCINATING!!!! The differences in perspective are HUGE! We women make sex mean so much, we make it so complicated, fraught with conditions, strategy, comparisons, resentments, unexpressed desires, past baggage and hurt which we then unconsiously and silently haul into bed with our partners and wonder why we might not get what we need. For men, it's much more simple and fun.
To understand them, we must understand ourselves.I discovered that when we feel sexy, than we are sexy to men and when we express our needs we get what we want. Sounds obvious, but until we actually shift our perspective and experience it, we tend to continue to blame men for everything we are not satisfied with.

We are lovely, charming and enchanting creatures...and in the words of one of the men on the panel, "Magical Mysteries". We have so much feminine power we don't see, use or express in so many ways. My mind is boggled by the different perspectives women and men have....even though so many times my husband tried to tell me, and I didn't listen.
Isn't it so strange how our spouse can say something and yet we just don't get it until someone else, usually a complete stranger, says the very same thing? Is there some kind of invisible spouse filter we put over our ears when we get married?
I am referring here to just one of the many juicy topics we much men LOOOOOOOOVE the female body, no matter what it looks like, no mattter what the lumps or bumps, extra curves, freckles, dimples, smells, or colors...they love it. When I got to hear first hand from a complete stranger the love men have for all women it was like something in a deep inner chakra was healed. I wept with joy to know how amazing, appreciative and awesome their love is for us.

They only want to make us happy and we withhold so much when we don't tell them what we want. We deny ourselves so much when we don't ask them what they like, when, where, how, and how often. There is a whole world of communication that could save, expand,and explode the passion in any marriage or relationship if we women just take on the responsibility of being in charge of our innate magical femininity and sexuality.
This course frees a woman from her baggage and opens up a woman to creating the passion and love of her dreams.
I am THRILLED for the future of our marriage!!!
(Which is the foundation of everything, our family, my business, our future.)

I cannot express the magnitude of gratitude I have to the Pax Programs creator, Allison Armstrong and the staff, Paulette and volunteers. Your stand for women and men have peace and love in all aspects of their relationships is phenomenal.
Thank you.

Ladies..sign up for these programs!

Zen Honeycutt