Thursday, July 15, 2010

Growing a Beard

My MOMS Club new President is starting a new section in our newsletter called "Kids Quips" She emails out a question to ask our kids and we submit their unimaginably funny answers to post in the newsletter to give us all a little comic relief while perusing this months MOMS club's happenings.
This month is "What does Daddy do at work?"
I laughed to myself, for I remember the exact moment when I asked my first son that.
He was 4 maybe, and answered thoughtfully, "He grows his beard."
It was so funny to me, his perspective. Well, of course! He goes to work clean shaven and comes home with a fuzzy face...he's growing his beard at work!

I am reminded of a recent coaching call for business development where we talked about our occurring worlds...Ben's world occurred to him like Daddy goes to work and comes home with almost a beard...that's exactly how it is for him. There's no arguing with him. That's what it looks like to him and he is probably, albeit being a 4 year old, not interested in much else. Adults are like that too.

I have my own occurring world of how my husband is for me, how my kids, my family, my company is for me. And that way, which I could tell you volumes about, is the way it is for me, and those ways would be completely different to the other people living in the same husband is tall dark and handsome, he is highly intelligent and often obsessed with something, my kids just say "Daddy is fun and protects us."
Completely different, neither one wrong!
My occurrence of my company is that it is growing, but is consistently on the brink...I have an occurrence of "someday" with my business.
I can see clearly that with an occurrence of "someday", that today would not be the day. It would never be now. How limiting is that???
I wonder what does it look like to my kids that I do? To my husband?
Until I see my occuring world of my business, it's like a blindspot to me, I keep operating inside that. Once I see it, I can choose newly, and I do, I chose now.

ASKING is the key. When I asked Ben what he thinks his Daddy does at work, I got a charming glimpse into his world. I got to see for a moment, what he sees.

That also happened recently when my sister called me and asked me about why I did something five years ago and why I am reacting a different way now. Family drama, I am sure it doesn't happen with you right? But instead of getting defensive and getting back into a reoccurring argument, I got that she really wanted to know. She was asking. She was interested. I described how things occurred for me then, and how things occur for me now, in my world, detached from that occurrence being right. I don't claim that I'm right. It's just how it is for me, just my view.
She got that. And we got five years of misunderstanding cleared up. I got to really get how it was for her too, and get how generous she is, really, really, committed to our family and her family.I am ever grateful she asked.

I have been much more present to asking people...getting into their worlds since then. That's the key to getting the people around you. Be interested. Ask. It doesn't mean you will understand or agree with them, but you will see their world and see that their actions inside that world completely make sense. You GET them, and they feel gotten. You can see that if you were them, you would do and think and say exactly what they would do...really. Thats' a big one to try on, but I invite you to try it. Ask someone today, someone that you don't understand, agree with or just want to know...What do they think? Why do they do that? What is that like for them?

Zen Honeycutt

Above is Ben's picture of Daddy..notice how Daddy looks differently to Ben...he actually becomes a different person in Ben's eyes than when I take pictures of him. He takes on being FUN Daddy! How people show up has something to do with how they occur to us...hmmm very are people and situations showing up to you?

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