Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Whose Train are You On?

Last night I was coaching some powerful women around what they wanted in life. What they wanted was to talk to their loved ones about things that mattered to them. They wanted to connect, to relate and not have judgement, weirdness and conflict.
One serene Japanese woman, said simply, "I want to talk to them about something but they keep getting off track..talking about other things, like their grandbaby or have I called Aunt Melba? I don't know how to get them back on track!" Struggle rippled beneath her smooth, perfect skin. Helplessness began to whisper...

I totally understood. I've been there. How many times do I start to talk to my children about doing what I want them to do and find that they just scream back about gum or their rocket ship?

I stop myself from telling her what to do, as my automatic way of being would. There is something there for her to see on her own.

" What do you see is missing? " I ask simply.
" .....Being with THEM" she comes up with...like a swimmer after a long dive, she breathes, her face relaxes... " Being with them."
"You are trying to get them to get on your train, yes?" I ask.
"Yes" she nodded, clear about her intentions.
" What if you got on their train? "
" Ah, listened to them, got in their world....ahhh...that would be amazing."
" What kind of new world could you experience being on their train?"
She smiled newly, called her friend and created a whole new world of relatedness.
They laughed, they planned getting together.Both got to talk about what mattered to them. Her friend felt heard and empowered.
SHE did that. She got on her friend's train. Saw something new and created with her rather than struggling and resisting and causing two trains to wreck.

Let's face it. We know what's going on on our train, in our brain....and usually it is a one track train and we know exactly where it's going to go.
Depression, sadness, pity, anxiety...all that is is us being on the one track in our own brain in that one direction.
I say throw out the depression drugs! Every last one of them (ok, unless you are in a ward) and go out and volunteer ( and stop eating gluten/wheat, but that's a whole other blog). Listen to your friends problems, build a doll house for someone's sick daughter and listen to her Mom, tell jokes at a senior center and then interview them...whatever gets you out side of your head and onto someone else's train.

I will practice playing with my children more and playing in THEIR world.
As a brilliant lady Kathleen said "It's amazing what comes out of your mouth when you are not in your head." When you are over there with them, all there is is love and relatedness...and a whole new world to see.

Zen Honeycutt

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