Friday, May 18, 2012

Lasagna Waiting

This week my husband came home with news. A person on his team got a higher paying job and and is moving on. Just before a major deadline. Just before our vacation. My husband told me what was so...the project, the shortage of people, the importance to the division etc. He wasn't going to go with us.And as my heart sank and tears welled up, I got present to the way it could go. Either I could be mad and make him wrong for a lack of planning or whatever my brain could make up....or I could survive the situation and have others survive me...or I could create something.
In that moment I chose not to have my sons see my tears of loss... about the time spent with their Daddy. Instead I asked my husband to sit down and explain it to them and when I was presentable, I sat down and added that Daddy is doing this because he is committed to our family. I put honor and respect in. No make wrong. Even though every fiber of my being want to scream, cry, cajole or squash him like a bug...I didn't.
But I was still upset.

I knew that my upset was an unfullfilled expectation and resided with me. And I was still experiencing upset.
I called my accountability buddy on the way to my Breakthrough seminar and let it rip. She listened to every angry and self pitying thing I had to say and got it. By the time I got to my seminar I was actually present to wanting to cause a breakthrough for myself in not having things go my way, but being with the way they are and creating something new.
Of course, who do I happen to sit by, and listen to sharing from, is a father who talked about work and resisting it and housework an family life. It was perfect.
It dawned on me, and this will be obvious to you, but it wasn't to me at the time, I was just stewing in my resentment...10 months of planning, a wedding...thousands of dollars...the only time we see my family...our anniversary...etc...

Then I got it.
His point of view.

HE wants to go on this vacation. He wants to spend time with us. Of course he would prefer to go! AND he is taking a stand for providing for us and having integrity with his company. Suddenly I was at peace and present to honor and respect. I was present to the love I felt for him and how sad he must be to miss being with us.
I was present to him being a responsible adult and I gave up my upset.

I began to speculate ideas to create fun for him...having the kids make notes for Daddy and leave them around the house each day, video conferencing and having my sons take pictures and text them to Daddy. Thanking him each day for providing us with the vacation to see my family. Making it fun for him anyway and having him being acknowledged for the extraordinary human being that he is.
I put in acknowledgement that night and instead of ranting about coulda, woulda, shoulda, we talked about what is important to him.
The next day I made a lasagna for the first time in years and he came home to a house warm with delicious smells, waiting for him and grateful for him.

Life doesn't always go the way we want it. Being powerful or happy is not about NOT having breakdowns, it is about having love, acknowledgement and honor present and creating something in the face of breakdowns.

Zen Honeycutt

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