Playing Games in Life

As my boys get older, how they want to play changes. A Mom friend asked me, "Does your son (oldest 9yr old) still PLAY?"
I asked, "Like imaginary play?"
"Ya, with toys." she said. My brain hiccuped, you mean someday he won't do that? Oh man,of course....they grow up...what a bummer, I thought.
"Yes, sometimes...he is starting to want to play video games more, when usually that is my 7 yr old. That one is a gamer. But they both play together still...hide and seek,legos...I love it. I think it's so good for them, to play."

"Oh, well , my friend's son is about 9 and he doesn't want to play anymore. He just wants to read or play video games on his Dsi, by himself, so when he comes over, I don't know what to do with him."

We talked about "that stage" in life when boys suddenly see toys as babyish and retreat into a world of their own, where play is restricted and being cool or aloof is the way to be. It's heartbreaking to a Mom and sad to family members, it's like something dissipates...the sense of play, picking them up, twirling them around, getting down on the floor with them...floats out the back door like a wisp of a ghost...but doesn't have to be that way.

"I think it's important to keep playing with your kid," I add, "to show them that playing together, no matter how old you are, is important."

I flash back to when I was a kid. My parents would invite their best friends over and after dinner we would all play a board game. It didn't matter that I was 7 and they were 58. We all played together, joked, laughed and someone won fair and square. Sometimes my father, brother, and Fred would disappear to the Rec Hall, where they played a few rounds of pool. Sometimes I would break the unspoken code and sneak in in and join them, watching them strategize, discuss politics and hit the balls across the felt into the deep green pockets. They didn't drink alcohol either, they just joked and talked and had fun completely sober. Looking back, I admire that, what an example of enjoying life that is and being present and clear. The game created the excitement, it was the glue that held together the real reason for playing, which was just to be together.

Soon after that I began to hunt down a foosball table. The pickings on Craigslist were thin and far away. I almost forgot about it. I bought a bunch of board games at a rummage sale for 25 cents each and they played Life constantly for a few days. Then A neighbor invited us over and the boys went nuts on their foosball table..shrieking, cackling, high fiving. It was awesome.
So I checked Craigslist again, (I love the principal of not paying retail), and found a game table, with five games, foosball, ping pong, pool, bowling and hockey for 65 dollars. I was thrilled to drive to Trabuco, pay the kind man and squeeze it into our mini van.

Since then the challenges to play are daily and delightful. Their loud hootin' and hollerin' is a sign of living life fully to me. The competition gets your blood going and the camaraderie builds confidence in our family unit. Last night we played with our exchange student and even though I lost I was clear we have all won.

Games expand the present moment, create something that was not there in the previous moment. One second you are sitting, wondering whether or not to wash the dishes, or if you are a kid, why your brother chews like that....and the next minute you are facing off your opponent, heart rate pumping, body buzzing, screaming like a girl who just lost her balloon or a boy who just won the rodeo. Why is that? It's because of the way the world occurs to us. One minute the world occurs as mundane, the next, it occurs as a challenge...and we rise to challenge. We don't have to ever stop playing. We have a choice. Choosing to be challenged creates connections in the world, gets us off the proverbial couch and jumping into life.

So when LIFE occurs to us as mundane or hard or too much, even overwhelming...all there is to do is to shift how it occurs to us, and play a GAME in life.
Just like a game, where we make up that the ball is better off not here, but over there, we can make up that our bodies are better not here, but running a marathon, or selling 2x more product, or our kids can make up that their body is better of winning a gold medal or being able to earn a badge or championship. And when your marathon gets cancelled, as in NYC after hurricane Sandy, many of the runner chose to play a new game, called supporting the survivors and volunteering downtown. That is a game worth playing!
They are all games, made up for us to expand that present moment, to further deepen enjoying what is before us, be it a friend, a soccer ball or a job that provides income for adventures, home and food. Make it a game and no matter what it is, we will all soon be shrieking with delight.

Zen Honeycutt

Easy Parenting

Parenting is "hard" is a generally accepted concept, why make it harder? Having a play date, going to a Moms Club event, volunteering, joining Cub Scouts...all these things at first consideration seem like more work. Why bother? I hem and haw and procrastinate in planning them. Weeks go by and my kids don't have a friend over, months could go by before I venture out to a Moms Club event sometimes, and years went by before we joined Cub Scouts because we were coming from "making life easier" and "doing less" because "it's all too much".

The reality is, that just thinking that it's "hard" makes parenting harder. I know, there is the reality of it... the kids are home 24-7 with each other and they start to get tired, as any one would, of their stinky brother in their face. They start to whine about the way he breathes and cry about the way the other one mimics him. Tempers flare and no toy seems interesting anymore. I start doing a lot of sighing, threatening, cajoling and shouting and I exhaust myself just sitting on my butt planning the meals. But my perspective is actually what makes it tiring and hard.

Staying home, staying "small" by trying to reserve energy and do as little as possible is actually the most exhausting way to parent. The easy way to parent is to BE fun and interact with them doing stimulating activities. Not necessarily structured activities like shoving them into a tennis lesson or art lesson everyday, but by calling friends and lining up play dates, where the kids run around and "free" play, showing off the toys they haven't touched for months like they are gilded with gold. I can actually sit in the living room as they play and learn a new piano song or clean out the kitchen drawers as they have a snack and chat with them about their Pokemon collections. Having a play date is easier because they are better behaved in front of peers and more excited about home.Plus,you get a peek into their social life and get in their world. This relatedness makes communicating with your child much easier.

Going to a Moms Club event, where we meet new people, leap through a sprinkler, pick fruit off trees and read books together, works. Going to Moms Clubs events definitely makes being a parent easier because while the kids are playing I get to talk to a real live adult who isn't picking their nose or burping the alphabet. She actually listens to what I have to say and actually responds in complete intelligent sentences...unless she is interrupted by her screaming toddler. Which actually doesn't bother me, in fact it's often a relief and even funny sometimes. Many a Mom has been known to laugh at another Moms chaos, not out of ridicule but out of sheer bottled up frustration at their own kids. When we see another Mom dealing with the same thing, suddenly it's okay to let that energy out and it tumbles out in the form of uncontrollable laughter. Pretty soon all the Moms are laughing and we are just present to joy. Getting out of the house, connecting with the Moms Club makes parenting easier because you get you aren't crazy while the kids make new friends.

Volunteering at school, I thought would be especially taxing. I envisioned being sequestered to a room full of paper collating all day while a teacher's aid examines my work or complains about school politics. In reality, I get to observe the teacher's style in the classroom and hear her teaching lingo and use these words at home to reinforce the learning. I get to observe my child learning, his style, when he is comfortable or not and speak with him about how he does his homework at home with insights to what works for him. I get to be a part of an art project or writing lesson and learn how how my children learn, and use this at home when I am guiding them in their homework. Volunteering makes my life easier as a parent because I am tuned into how they learn.

Joining the Cub Scouts seemed like an impossibility for years. Give up our Saturdays for constant camping in the dirt? Sewing on badges til my fingers bleed? Trek them back and forth to flag ceremonies and memorize old fashioned fuddy duddy mottos? In reality Cub Scouts camp two or three times a year and it is awesome. We go boulder climbing, make marshmallow air guns with pipes, hike in canyons and sing songs around the campfire. The badges are less than you think and you can sew them while you watch TV. As far as it being old fashioned, there is nothing outdated about BB Gun shooting, deep seas fishing, archery, catapult making and learning good character:what it means to be responsible, respectful, honest and loyal. Cub Scouts makes parenting easier because you get a wonderful community of parents who support teaching your boys good character while you all create adventures together. Being a leader in Cub Scouts is even more awesome because you get to create with other leaders and your kids get the experience of having their parent be a leader. Being a Cub Scout leader makes it much easier to raise your son to be a leader.

Now, when I consider an option, even if I feel like draggin' butt all day, I look at what is possible...what might the kids get out of this? What might I get out of this? What might I be able to contribute? And my world shifts, from "too hard" to exciting new and marvelous wonders. And we just GET OUT! We go outside, have fun and cause a ruckus and I get to participate, create and cause being an adventurous parent and having amazingly happy and stimulated children. When I am an involved and connected with my kids, I am happier, and when Momma's happy, everyone's happy! What's hard is checking out. Checking in, and creating makes it all easier. Coming from the world creating, all there is is ease, freedom, excitement and fun!
Not just easy, but Inspired Parenting!

Zen Honeycutt

Miracle-in-Between-Moments

In between those times when something is supposed to happen, I am still living my life. I am still a Mom when I am waiting for the teller to count out a stack of ones for the most-likely-a-waitress in front of me. I am still a Mom when we are driving to the library. I am still a Mom when I forget something in the car and we all have to tromp back through the chilly air, between minivans, all the way through the parking lot and get it.

It's those in-between moments that I realized yesterday, that are still open to the creation of miracles.
Yea, the big moments, baby Christenings and weddings and birthdays are easy to see as miraculous. But if I am in the market for an extraordinary, miraculous life (which I am), causing a miracle while waiting for my soup to cool, now that is the real deal.

It seems like causing miracles might take alot of energy doesn't it? Well first let's define that a miracle is something that you never ever expected would happen, something that never would have happened anyway and something that creates profound something...joy, relatedness, love, wonder...that's MY definition of a miracle. You can make up yours. By the way, in my world, God isn't the only one who causes them, he/she/God gave us free will to cause our lives. That includes miracles too:) And when we are present and just living, causing miracles can be easy and joyful.

Yesterday I created with my accountability buddy (we have calls daily or at least 3X a week) that I was committed to causing Miraculous Relatedness. That includes everyone everywhere and everything. It includes my new and profound commitment to be a YA best selling author in partnership with my husband. That is a future that has me excited, not only about the future, but it has me being excited RIGHT NOW. And being present, living, having fun.

On the way to the library to pick up some YA novels that I have been remiss to read, (cuz ya know I don't "need" too...so arrogant, my ego:) and hook the kids up with some fun books, I turned on the radio and began clapping and dancing to the music. I invited the kids join in and shared with them "If you ever have a choice to sit down or dance, I hope you choose dance,dance, dance!" And they did. They busted the moves the whole way to the library.

Then when I forgot my drivers liscense in the car (to get a library card at this new library, we just moved, that's another blog) and we have to go back through the long lot, I used the normally tedious redo-moment to create miraculous relatedness with my sons. I asked Ben what he was thinking and he said,"Mom I would suggest that this library not have toliets that are so big."
"Oh really? Did you almost fall in?" I said with wide eyes.
"YES! The seat is too big." Major injustice!!
"What would happen if you fell in???" I asked like we were discovering a National Treasure.
"My butt would get wet." he said.
"Yes, but I mean, if you got flushed...what would happen?" he looked at me oddly and then smiled and made a face.
"I would go into the sewer, Yeeech!"
"Ewwww... what would that be like?"
"You would get eaten by a CROCODILE!" shouted Bodee, my slime loving six year old.
"Would you be tasty?" I asked.
Ben shook his head, smiling crookedly at me. "Nooooo..."
"Why NOT? I asked. "I feed you yummy food!" and tickled him.

He threw his head back and laughed a full belly laugh. I grabbed at Bodee and Bronson for good measure, and suddenly we had retrieved the driver's liscense and we on our way back to the library. Full of fun, happy and connected, my sons and I had images and laughing we never would have had if I had just been grumpy because I forgot somthing and "had to" drag them to the car and back. A "waste of time" was transformed into a miraculous moment of imagination and relatedness.

Cooling soup might actually be the inspiration for a children's book set on a planet with soup for seas. The bank might be the time we create the "Allowance Deal" that has the kids lit up about saving.
Miraculously, at the end of the day, we sat around as a family reading and the kids drew these amazing cartoon books. Ben's was an ode to me, a Mom he loves "EVRYWARE", with images of me doing all kinds of things for the family. Bodee's was a book about "Banana Boomerang." Gold mine of imagination, right there. And Bronson drew pictures of Piglet that look like adorable amoeba. The tears of joy and relatedness I feel are miraculous.

I write this to remind myself, to sprinkle into the world, that those in-between moments are just as big as the big moments. It's all what we make them. I am causing a Miraculous life...won't you cause a miracle today? That's a world I want to raise my children in..a future I am excited to live into...aren't you???

With Love and Joy
Zen Honeycutt

Gluten Free and NOT Nuts

Many years ago an acquaintance and I were eating lunch and she didn't touch the bread or order any carbs. "I am not eating wheat." she said. My brain could not conceive. She went on to describe what I imagined would be my worst nutritional nightmare. No wheat, bread, crackers, cookies, cake....why live?
She explained she couldn't process the gluten and it made her tired, crampy and dizzy. I could not imagine, I put it out of my mind and labeled her borderline nuts.

Just two years ago I was napping every afternoon, sleeping in late if I could and was still always tired, cranky and hot tempered with my family. As a 30 something year old woman I realized I couldn't blame it on the kids not sleeping through the night anymore, because they were. I had trouble with going to the bathroom (number 2) and congestion, leaving me feeling not sexy and I had had enough. I went to 4 doctors in a few months and all tried to prescribe me allergy medicine that would have killed a horse. So I went to an iridologist/herbologist, recommended by an enthusiastic friend, and she took a photo of my eyeball, analyzed it in a computer program, all the groves and colors... and pronounced I had a gluten intolerance. My heart sank.

1 out of 4 women ( especially Blood Type O's ) over the age of 30 develop this she said, and don't know it. It's the cause of fatigue, weight gain that is almost impossible to lose, fogginess ( read Mommy Brain!) and irritability. It can lead to depression and even schizophrenia...What??? who said that? Not Me! Yes you did!
She said "Your energy is like glue..you are grinding through the day." She was like a psychic for my health. Yes.
I was shocked. But at that point, ready to try anything to feel better.

She recommended a herbal cleanse, gave me structure on the diet, and I was off to the health food store. By this time however I was fortunate enough, even if it was unfortunate for them, to know a family with Celiac's disease. My closest Mommy friend's husband and children could not eat wheat or it would literally eventually kill them. Days of play dates and hours of curiously listening to my friends trials and tribulations with fast food restaurants, certain food brands and stores, had me know enough about avoiding wheat that I could take this on with some clarity. Without her help when I was struggling, my life would not have altered. Shout out to Jennifer!
6 weeks later I was a new person. No longer napping at all. Not even interested in a nap. I was 14 pounds lighter with a waist line that actually curved like a 19 year old! I bought a bikini! I was happier, more cheerful, sexier and clear.
The diet became a lifestyle change and I share some tips for any who find themselves at this crossroad.

BREAD
My basic advice is this...buy Ezekiels's ( sprouted grains do not have the gluten)or UDI's Bread from Mother's or online, several loafs at a time and freeze some, and always have ONLY gluten free bread on hand.
The UDI's is the best bread out there and very different from the heavy Trader Joe's rice bread. You can't even tell its gluten free.
This bread alone will make gluten free bearable.

CRACKERS
Edward and Sons BROWN RICE SNAPS are the best crackers, crispy and tasty.
Yellow and Green package in Mothers and Sprouts.

PASTA
I advise rice pasta only, not the green box of quinoa pasta at sprouts. That brand of quinoa pasta has alot of corn in it too which I avoid unless organic, as non organic corn in the USA is 80% from Mansanto seeds which is Genetically Modified with pesticides inserted into the seeds.

BAKED GOODS
The Mothers GF Blueberry Muffins are expensive but delicious for a treat.
The Arrowhead gluten free brownie mix is much softer than the Trader Joe's brand
PAMELA"s Amazing Gluten free Bread mix is great if you have a bread machine and also great for PIZZA Dough.
There are tons of cookies, snacks -ENJOY! has nut free, dairy free, soy and corn free etc...carried by Amazon.com and by Sprouts/Mother's/Whole foods.
I use garbazo bean flour or arrowroot flour to thicken stews and to bread chicken.
there are great gluten free pancake mixes.

SAUCES
Buy the Tamari gluten free or wheat free soy sauce or BRAGGS enzymes, which tastes just like soy sauce.
Buy BBQ sauce, Mustard and Ketchup that is gluten free. most of these are organic and high fructose corn syrup free which is healthier anyway.

OATMEAL
MUST be " Certified Gluten Free" not even organic is gluten free. Buy it in bulk on Amazon.com in packets or plain for cooking at Mother's- Bob's Red Mill.
Keep in mind Rye and Barley also have gluten so watch out for soups.
Make your own chicken noodle or chicken rice soup when anyone is sick, less preservatives anyway.

I alternate between Trader Joe's for hormone free meats and frozen fish (cheaper) and Mother's/Sprouts for the gluten free foods (more variety), which has a label saying GLUTEN FREE under all foods, which is great!
I buy bulk on Amazon and save money for some snack items too.


The main thing is to take it one day at a time, get the wheat stuff out of view or out of the house entirely
( when I did gluten free for the family my husband lost 10 lbs too) and Do NOT shop in the regular Ralph's and Albertson's because its seems like everything in there has gluten or preservatives or high fructose corn syrup...no wonder why mass market America is the most obese group of people on the planet???!!! It's too tempting if you shop there. The awesome thing was that this journey has had me be MORE present to what my family eats, more powerful in choosing wisely and more interested in food and my health. I plunged head first into the green movement by being Green all around, inside and out.

EMPOWER Yourself and make a list of the things you like you can eat like:

Nuts
Rice
Potatoes
organic corn
organic soy
Meat
Fish
Fruit
Veggies Galore!

Chinese dishes without meat that is breaded- just ask, they can make great garlic sauces or sweet and sour without breading the meat.
Mexican dishes with corn tortillas rather than flour
Japanese dishes except the tempura
American food meat, veges and rice/potato/organic corn or beans there are hundreds of varieties!

gluten free corn dogs
potato crusted fish sticks at sprouts (Praggers)

icecream ( check the ingredients) in a cup rather than a cone
gluten free cakes, cookies and muffin are cheaper when you make them

gluten free pizza- cheaper to make yourself

Oh and make sure you and the kids eat protein every two hours, meat, cheese sticks, nuts, yogurt or beans because they are not getting heavily processed breads that sits in their stomach for 4 hours. Its healthier and more the way we are wired anyhow.

Most people want to know, is it Ok to have it once in a while? It depends on what you are committed to and what is going on with your body. If you have Celiac's NO amount is ok. If you have a wheat allergy, NO amount is ok. If you have a wheat intolerance, once in a while isn't going to traumatically affect you health, however it will reverse everything you have so diligently been doing for those weeks or months. Gluten and wheat stay in your system for 6 months. If you are committed to cleansing your body of the gluten and one day being able to have it now and then, then I recommend doing a no-kidding, no- gluten-in-the-house-or my- mouth-ever plan for 6 months and then make the choice about how rigorous you are going to be about it afterwards. Take steps. See how great you feel, look and interact with people. Your nutrition affects your body, health, sex life, life span, sleep, performance in school or job or as a parent as well, as well as all your relationships.
Stay present to, What's more important all that or that food, for the moment, with wheat in it?
The side benefit besides loosing weight and being happier, is that you become very very conscious of what you eat and your body. Being conscious, being PRESENT is always a fabulous thing, and also affects your whole life.

Here are some other sites that give their take on gluten free too:

http://nutrition.suite101.com/article.cfm/five_sanity_savers_for_gluten_free_living

http://www.jensglutenfreeblog.com/gluten-free-health/five-steps-to-living-gluten-free/