Monday, March 8, 2010

Catching Air

The intense whiteness of the snow is startling and yet serene at the same time. The crispness of the air fills my chest and I buzz with aliveness.
We are in the mountains, on a snowy Sunday afternoon for a day of free family sledding. My three children are padded with layers of clothing and waddle to the edge of the snowbanks. They eye the steep incline and move minds eye imagines them lurching forward, toppling over, a ball of limbs rolling down the hill, screeching and flailing...and I sternly redirect them to a path.

We troop through the fresh snow, on an adventure, to the sledding area, which is teeming with families, snow ball fights and large red and blue plastic pieces of broken sleds. Again the alarm goes off in my head.

As my husband guides my two elder sons, 7 and 5, onto the sled, I must consciously tell myself "He's got them. They will be alright."

How often, in business, in life,in parenting, must I give up that "something bad is going to happen"? It seems like constantly.

When I was a child, playing hide and go seek with my brother, he wanted to hide near me and I told him, "No, go away, this is my spot!"
He didn't listen to me. He hid there anyway, climbed on top of the cabinet, broke my mothers bowl I told on him,and he was punished for it. It was not right, it was wrong in my eyes. A big mess all around. And all my fault.

If he had only listened to me none of this would have happened.

From now on, I better know better. And people better listen to me!

My whole life I tell people what to do, thinking I am helping them... my maiden name actually is LaBossiere and people called me "LaBoss". In elementary and high school I was automatically The Boss. And mostly, I was right too. You can imagine how my relationships went...being right all the time!

Today, when I stop and get present,I see that the unknown, no matter what it is, the glare of the bright future, the darkness of the shadows, the unsure opportunity in business, has my automatic way of being...that I have to know better and people must listen to me...or something bad is going to happen....that way of being could run my life.
I could not let them sled, or be a crabby boss about it when they sled. I could not try certain avenues of business, not meet new people, not speak in front of large groups ...unless I know for sure how it' s going to go.
Or, I breathe. Revel in my 5 year old catching air off a bump and whooping with delight... and laugh...Trust the world. Trust myself, that no matter what, I will be ok. My family will too. I will be responsible even if things don't turn out.
We will thrive. And create fun.

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