Friday, October 1, 2010

Thank you Thank you Thank you

Today is a day of Great Gratitude. In the core of my being, the warm center of my chest, in the silent soul of my soul...I am grateful.

Today is the day my third son, Bronson was born two years the warm water of a kiddie pool in our living room while our elder sons slept. My husband holding my hand, my Doula's and Midwife's inner strength and silence supporting every surge. After only 3 hours of labor...walking around barefoot under the stars and Jacaranda trees barefoot in our neighborhood...we three and the the flickering candles and Adrea Bocelli music greeted Bronson at 3:21 in the morning.
When he emerged, he was perfect, pink, and serene. He looked at me right in the eyes and held up his hand. I kissed his hand and when I expressed that I wished he would make a noise, he let out a soft, brief cry. He gave me the gift of his voice and peace, and there hasn't been a day since that I have not been present to the immense gift his life is.
So today is a day of Great Gratitude.

I create this morning with my dear friend that today I am being Present and Grateful.
And immediately I become present to the great gratitude in life...everywhere.
I call my father and he practically hollers "THANK YOU! I just got your card and I'll be doggoned if the quote on the card isn't one that I am practicing memorizing right now! "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."- Ralph Waldo Emerson
He continues to express his gratitude for what I have written, which is a true expression of my feelings, and I feel complete with past conversations, full with gratitude for our communication, for his life and for the contribution he is to our family. This conversation is not something that was just going to happen anyway, it is a creation of gratitude.

Then I walk into the bank and the song being played is Natalie Merchant singing "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you" over and over again.

I hold my 5 year old's soft, warm hand as I pick him up from school and I nearly tear up being present to how grateful I am that I can be there, listen to him talk about his day and hear him thank me for being a good Mom...out of nowhere.

As I look into my toddler's eyes on his second birthday I am present to the many miracles that I can SEE now, from getting out of my "box" or "point of view" that I used to have that I am "not a good enough Mom to handle three" or " I am too temperamental to have three,you will have to haul me off to a Betty Ford clinic."
I am clear that by having this huge breakthrough of seeing myself newly, a good Mom, albeit perfectly human and imperfect...a Mom who does yell now and then, who does forget picture day, who does slack off on taking care of myself through showers and writing, and puts off laundry for days, who has rotten fruit smells in the house somewhere, and just does not want to make lunches most days...and THAT'S OK!

By seeing myself with some grace and humanity, by being present and grateful for my own human being-ness...I am able to not only give birth to a miracle of life, I am able to have a fun, harmonious ( most of the time) and miraculous adventure with my family.
The rest of Ralph Waldo Emerson's quotation is below:

"And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen."

Zen Honeycutt

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