Elated

My nine year old son and husband assisted for the Young People's Landmark Forum this Friday through Sunday. What that means is they volunteered for three days for almost ten hours a day, to support and cause a course that empowers kids to be leaders in their lives. They may not want to lead others when they come out of the course, but they know what it means to be a leader for themselves in their own life. They are no longer victims of their parents or woe-be-gone because they have to live with their sister...they are no longer fearful of speaking up and expressing themselves or of listening to others. They leave reconnected with their siblings and parents and ready to be responsible in their lives.Whatever was their barrier between them and other people,and what they want in life, is gone.

And my son and husband provided that. Am I proud? Beyond. What matters most though is what they got out of it. I will never know fully what it was, but they do. My son came home Friday after one day of assisting when he was the Taskmaster for the adults and it was as if he had matured a year in a day. He seemed settled inside himself, not like settled like compromised but settled like all the hesitation and concerns that a nine year old might have about what other people think or his brother stealing his stuff or his parents bearing down on him...all those concerns seemed to have settled to the bottom of his being, and what was left was a clear Ben. A clarity and confidence and happiness that is just wonderful to be around....magnetic and joyful.

Being a contribution to other people is what lifts the human spirit beyond survival an into elation.
My son is elated.
Today he was eager to go back to school and to share his Healthy Happy Students voluntary report and presentation to his class. Even though he is in a combo class and half the class is a year older than he, he was confident. Even though he was doing a report that was not assigned, he was eager. Even though he was speaking in front of mostly a class he didn't know on the third day of school, he was proud. The circumstances didn't matter because he was coming from his commitment to make a difference in the world. He is passionate about helping others. This is not normal for a nine year old! Or maybe it is but we parents don't even consider it or encourage it. We assume school is a drag and kids don't really want to learn or do a report for no reason. We think other people will not want a report on how to eat healthy. But they did. He shared about GMO's, gluten/wheat, red food dyes, preservatives and how they can affect kid's health, moods and focus in class.
And the kids said "Wow!" and "OMG!"
The teacher said "That was beautiful! We can tell you are passionate about this!"
When she had to ask them repeatedly to put the flyer he gave out away, and invited them to share it with their parents, I teared up. He was making a difference with 35 families. He shook his head yes twenty times when I asked if he wanted to speak at another school. He is ready to share more. My heart couldn't have been happier for him. My son surprises and inspires me.

All I have to say is if you want your child to be empowered, BE empowered. Do the Landmark Forum. Support them to do it. Assist for it. They may not get what my son got, but they will get what matters to them. They will be able to express it with confidence. They will let go of their fears, contribute to others and light up the world with who they are being. Elated and lifting the spirits of others.
And deep in our hearts, that's all we really want for them.

Zen Honeycutt

Death and Love

" The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" - Kahlil Gibran

My Aunt Jade is dying. She is in hospice and is not completely aware anymore. She is happy and comfortable though, and at peace with the time being near.
My mother's older sister is a sassy San Fransican activist, one of the people who barrages the government with letters, emails and phone calls to save the whales, the water quality, the turtles in mexico. She is one of the reasons we have the society we do. She is creative, compassionate, fiery and tenacious.
She has straight, pure white hair, cut into a perfect bob that falls to her chin. She wears bright ethnic clothing, celebrating Mexico, Guatemala, Peru, Tibet and the Ecuador. She is a independent Chinese woman who speaks excellent Spanish, lives part time in Mexico, teaches high schoolers in San Francisco and enjoys a walk with her dog Radar in the park, chatting casually with her neighbors, more than anything.

I love her because she is vibrant, opinionated and active. She makes a difference in the world around her, and whether you agree with her, or see her verocity for change as passionate or angry, all agree that she knows she matters. She knows each one of us matters. She stood for each of us when we were too busy to email the government. And she emailed us again because she knows we matter and we can make a difference.
I love that about her. She empowers me to be active. She inspires me to care.

As we sat in the sunny dog park by her burgundy, forest green and gold Victorian home in San Francisco on a recent visit, a floral scarf wrapped around her head, wisps of white hair blowing in the breeze, I held her hand and summoned my then 7 year old over to us. I looked at my Aunt Jade and asked her, "If you could have one wish for our future generations, what would it be?"
She squinted at me through the sun, surprised, a little bit, inside her brown eyes, and said " Oh that's a big question...."
She looked down, for a moment, thoughtfully, then up, sure, and said to Ben and I, "To take care of the earth."
Ben looked at her solemnly and said. "I can do that."
I sighed, squeezed her hand and was complete with the relationship we have had. In my heart, my love for her was so full, it overflowed into the next generation.

The sorrow I feel for her near passing is not a misery of which I feel victim of. It is a deep understanding that I only feel this sorrow because I have had the honor to know her, to be influenced by her, to be related to her and to be inspired by her. All a blessing. All a gift.
I thank my Paw Paw (Chinese for Grandmother) for birthing and raising such a dynamic person. I thank her daughter Andra for caring for her mother generously, all the while creating a creative and vibrant life of her own passions. I thank my mother for having had a relationship with her sister that was joyful and open and allowed me to get to know my Aunt Jade. I celebrate her life and know that death is but a phase in life.

"Knowing that I am of the same nature as all other natural things, I know that there is really no seperate self, no seperate personality, no absolute death and no absolute life" - T'ien T'ung-Hsu...from my Zen calendar from my dear, dear sister.

That is a deep concept to grasp, especially in the midst of sorrow.I never understood how people could say that they want to have a party when they die, they want people to be happy. It felt so cold and fake. I get now, there is the opportunity, in her passing to celebrate having been a part of her life. We hurt from death because we love, and if we reside in the love we can be present to the miracles in life. It may continue to hurt, the sorrow is like the burning in the oven, and yet something beautiful can be created from it.
The question to ask ourselves, is from knowning this person, the eclectic, bold and outspoken Aunt Jade, and what she stands for, how will we now live our lives?



With Love to her beautiful and marvelous daughter Andra and compassionate son-in-law Brian,
Zen Honeycutt