"Insanity" in the Classroom

I am inspired by the people around me. Not always. Only when I listen. And not listen like waiting for them to stop talking so I can say something about what they just said but better or more or different....but listen like hearing what they are committed to, what drives them, listening for what they love, even if they are complaining.
Last night at our leadership meeting this one teacher was not complaining however. He could be, he teaches Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors in high school and it sounds like a rowdy bunch in Corona. He could be complaining about the insanity it is for one teacher to be teaching 160 something teens. He chooses a different point of view. One that empowers him and his students. He commutes from Irvine but he sees it as a beautiful drive. His students inspire him every day. He invited them to "Play BIG Games" this year and in their life and the walls of their class, rather than covered with rules and things the teacher wants to students to get, the walls are covered with posters of the students goals about graduating, their career choice, grades or family. THEIR Big Games are what they see every day and what they hold themselves accountable for.
This amazing teacher, let's give him his due credit shall we? Jonathan Smith, shared that he created BIG Games with his students and they are all inspired, he's inspired. And then he went home and his girlfriend said "I got the work out DVD "Insanity"" He said "Good for you."
He was NOT doing it. No way No How. He knows how insane it is. The the next day he shared about his day as he normally does, and his girlfriend's game, and the kids all chanted BIG GAME! BIG GAME! Suddenly he was being supported by his students, to take on "Insanity " workouts and he took it on. Everyday for 60 days these kids are supporting their teacher in playing a BIG Game. And they agreed that if he misses a day they won't make him wrong, like boo hiss, but they will encourage him and have him restore his integrity and repromise. They are learning through experience the difference between morality (the boo hiss mentality) and integrity (honoring your word). His students are up to BIG Games too, all things that really mean something to them. One girl is going to tell her father that she loves him every day. When Mr.Smith asked if ths really was a BIG game for her, and she said "Oh I NEVER told my father I love him, so yeah, this is HUGE."
Can you imagine being the father of a teenage daughter who has never heard "I love you" from her to suddenly hearing it everyday? How is that family going to transform?

This teacher gets that his workout is not just about his body however, it will improve of course, but his promise, his word means something to his students. He has it that he needs to get up every day at 4:30 am and do this workout because if he doesn't, as their role model, he is giving that girl who promised to say "I love you" to her dad every day, an OUT. So his workout is not about him, it's about the difference honoring his word makes in the world.

Now you may ask yourselves what does this all have to do with a math class?

Everything.
Kids who play BIG Games in class and in life are excited to go to class, no matter what class it is. They get that THEY matter, their lives matter and they feel gotten. They aren't just a body in a chair, a statistic for the teacher to manage otherwise he won't get a raise or tenure. They aren't concerned with being "left behind" they are creating a new future. They aren't just an annoyance, they are actually a contribution to their whole class, even their teacher. They make a difference in their teacher's life. And, these kids get that when they are around Mr. Smith, they are listened to as GREAT. They are held to their own word, what they created, and they are responsible for causing their life to go the way they say so.

That's not just an education in math, that's an education on being an extraordinary human being who contributes to the world.
Here's to you Jonathan Smith, one of the greatest teachers I have ever heard of, and to all your students who are driving you to "Insanity" in a whole new context.

Thank you Jonathan Smith, for being extraordinary. You are creating a future I am excited for my boys to live into. Now we just need to share how teachers can get access to the tools you are using in the classroom to create this all over the country.
I am your partner.

Zen Honeycutt

The tools Jonathon uses in his class are from www.landmarkeducation.com. His passion is entirely his own.

Partnership with Teachers

Ben had the wrong teacher. No two ways about it. He was 4 turning 5 in preschool and the time we didn't know he had a gluten intolerance and after snack his teacher told me he would be so sad over something insignificant in the playground that he would sit and sulk for a half an hour. When I asked her questions about it, tensions flared. It occurred to me that she was making him wrong, like he "should be able to get over it at this age." and "not get so upset." I don't remember if those were her words but that's what I heard. Something was "wrong" with my son according to her. HELL no.
Why wasn't she sitting down with him and asking him about it and working it out? She said it was a rough year, there were a lot of "criers" in the class.
I was angry with her. I reacted in survival mode, all in a frenzy, and tossed and turned in bed. I spoke to the director and she agreed that it was best to switch Ben out of her class, because the teacher "just has that style of letting children work it out by themselves" which didn't work for Ben or me. So after Christmas, when he had turned five, we told him because he was older, he was going to a new class. It was right next to the other one and I avoided eye contact with the teacher. Only a mother who has had a preschooler can appreciate how much drama this is. It is like the end of the world to a mother when her child is not doing well in school. Her soul is heavy and sad. Mine was.

Then, two years later, Bodee got the same teacher. She was the only one who did five day Pre K. The only class I wanted my son in at the only preschool I wanted him in. He had already been there a year and a half and loved it. I was so confronted. OH NO. I thought. This year is going to suck. Should I pull him from the school?
With grave concern, my friend said I should. My insides felt knotted and wrong.

Then I got that I was reacting to a circumstance rather than creating.
So she was Bodee's teacher now. That's what was so.
I could create Powerful Partnership with her no matter what. Circumstances do not dictate my life. Teacher's personalities don't define my child's experience. We can be powerful in the face of anything.
So I went to the class early on the first day. I got a moment alone with her, loked her directly in the eye and said,"We have had our differences in the past. But you are Bodee's teacher now and I want you to know that I have it that you are the perfect teacher for Bodee."
What premise did I have for that? Nothing. I only had it that way because I made it up. Because I wanted it to be that way, so I said so.
She looked at me hesitently at first, questioning, body slanted away from me. I said "I mean it. you and Bodee are going to get along great. He needs exactly who you are."
Her eyes became clear and grateful. She took a deep breath and turned towards me.
"Really? Thank you. I really want to have a great year."
"We will." I declared. "And if you need anything, we will be here to volunteer early everyday."
"Oh, Wow."
"I want to thank you for your partnership in educating Bodee it means alot to me that he has a fun year and learns alot."
"Oh he will. Thanks so much" she said joyfully.
We smiled brilliant, free smiles and chatted more about Bodee's likes and dislikes. We were total partners. Connected and committed.

That year was the better than I ever imagined. We got to school early, swept and cut papers, and supported her in whatever was needed and chatted with her. I got to listen to her about her marriage dilemmas and support her through a tough time. I got to know what an incredibly committed woman she is to teaching and I grew to adore her, really truly love the person she is.
Bodee was the teacher's pet, helpful and kind. Some people had warned me, because of Bodee's passion and drive to win, that he was going to be difficult in school. That was so not the case. He did brilliantly. The partnership he experienced between the teacher and I had him be confident, proud and engaged. Had I been hesistant, resentful and fearful I am sure he would have felt that. We would have been late, not in communication and resisting school. But that's not what I was committed to. I was committed to powerful partnership, so I created it. And it was present in the room. The class was connected, warm and fun.

At the end of the year, the teacher gathered all the parents and literally cried in gratitude for us and the bond we had created that year. Tears rolled down her face and we all cried too. There was love and connection that was highly unusual. It was like we were a sisterhood.
Two years later, Bodee still asked to see her and kept her card and picture by his bed. He couldn't have loved his PreK experience more. When he went to Kindergarten he was already at the level of learning where they wanted the students to be in January. He sailed through school and is still excelling. When he has acting auditions I have no qualms about pulling him out early to drive to LA. If he wasn't doing well, there is no way I would do that.

Partnership makes a difference in much bigger ways than we initially imagine. Creating that the teacher or child gets is the PERFECT TEACHER, no matter what ( ok except abuse, I am talking about decent teachers), whether we like them or not or they talk funny or seemed rushed or unorganized...no matter what...creating Powerful Partnership is possible. The impact is that the kids sense that trust, they feel safe, they look forward to the day and learning from someone that you respect.

So often, parents complain about the teachers in front of the kids and they think they are protecting their kids...they think they are expressing their love by siding with the kids and blaming the teacher for too much homework or whatever...in fact this causes a struggle and insecurity for the child. They feel unsafe, distrusting and resentful towards the teacher and even down right confused as to why their parent would send them to school for 6 hours to be with someone they don't like. That is the opposite of what a parent is committed to!

So LOVE your child's teacher as you love your child, and give them a chance to grow and be strong and be able to be with any teacher and however that teacher is, that they work...and you empower your child to be powerful in any situation.

Zen Honeycutt

A Back to School Wish

It's the last two weeks of summer and we have been wallowing in the laziness of our schedule, spontaneous fun and extreme adventure. We are driving home from the beach and I mention that school is coming soon and we begin to ponder what that means...new classroom, new friends, different kids in class....and my son says,"Mom, I wish I would get a teacher that doesn't yell."
"I wish you would too. Why do you think she might yell, though if she did?"
"Well, it wouldn't be her fault. It's the kids that don't listen and move around a lot." He says emphatically.

"Well, I wouldn't say her fault, or the kids fault, but they are RESPONSIBLE for what they do, right?" I ask.

"Yeah.... But Mom, you know how you said that what we eat, you know, makes a difference on how we do in school, like makes us cranky and stuff?"
"Yes." I answer.

"Well, you know Mom, I see what the kids eat and a lot of them eat a lot of junk....you know, cookies with sprinkles and red food dye juice, and GMO and Cheetos with food dye...and they all eat wheat, and Mom, you know after they eat that they act all crazy and don't listen to the teacher and she yells and I can't think when she yells! You know, I wish those kids wouldn't do that!" He looks completely distraught. His passion has his younger brothers stop playing with their gadgets and look at him with concern.

"Well, they eat that food because they don't know that it affects them like that." I say to soften the intensity.

"Well, I am going to tell them then, you know, like an extra credit science project. I am going to do a report. Can I do it on the first day of school?"
"Why don't we do it and ask your teacher when it will work? Just be ready for the first day?" I ask.

"Okay great! Because if everyone knows that junk food and red food dye and sugar makes kids act crazy at school then they won't eat that and the food companies won't make that either. They would make something else that's better for us. And then everyone will be happier and better too. They might not die even from being sick from allergies and getting sick. I would be helping the world!" He is shining.

No joke. His words. My son is out to save the world.
He isn't even thinking of this as work, it just matters to him that everyone has fun in school and is healthy.

So be forewarned, parents, if your kid comes home asking for fruit for snacks instead of Cheetos...
because kids just say what matters to them.

Zen Honeycutt

Back to School and Getting the RIGHT Teacher

I see the increased emails going back and forth in my Moms Club and hear the parents at the pool talking in hushed tones, "Which teacher did you request? Do you know anything about Miss. Jessica? What about Miss. Lori*? I heard she was...I hope my kids don't get..."

I totally get the anxiety and anticipation of our children's experience at school. I used to bite my nails when I opened the letter from the preschool. I used to get a serious, scrunched face when other Moms talked about their children's teachers and listen intently to see what my child's future might hold. I totally get the utter and complete devotion it takes for a Mom to be committed so much to her child that which teacher her child gets consumes her being. That's love. That's dedication.
I just don't feel that way anymore.
And it's not because I don't love my child or care about which teacher they have.
Of course I want them to have the best teacher. Of course I love my child and would kill bears for them and maybe even picket outside a Principal's home if I thought it would make a difference.
That's my point. It won't make a difference, at least not the difference that matters to my husband and I.
Years ago, when I considered sending my children to private school even though we live in Irvine, which is touted as one of the best school districts in Southern California, my husband said seriously to me, "I want our children to be able to excel no matter what educational experience they have. We live in this great community and I want the kids to know the kids in their neighborhood and go to this good school with them." Ok. End of story. And I agree.

His point is that it is our responsibility as parents and our children's responsibility for their own lives that makes the real difference.
It is totally normal for we humans to have the idea that a certain teacher will CAUSE a certain EFFECT or result in our child's education and therefore cause a certain future of success, mediocrity or failure... therefore, we must CAUSE our kids to have the best teacher. It's survival of the fittest. It's anxiety ridden. It's never ending.
It's also dis-empowering.

See, if we follow this CAUSE and EFFECT idea, then a certain teacher will cause a certain effect and that is that. The child is stuck with that teacher and then stuck with the limited results...leading to a limited future. We can never time travel go back to the past and change which teacher our kids gets assigned to, how they were treated or taught or what the results were. The teacher defines our child's future.

So to be a normal human being and to live by CAUSE and EFFECT in any area...if that happens then this will happen..and then I will feel this way and oh well, we'll see.. is so dis-empowering I want to rant and rave and shake people by the shoulder and hug it out of them when I hear it in casual conversation.
Here's where I beg you to get the impact of, this Cause and Effect Poppycock in education:

What message does the anxiety we have over a certain teacher, certain school, certain talented program, say about our CHILDREN? What does this Cause and Effect idea say about what THEY are capable of, responsible for, or what is possible for them???
This idea that our children must have a certain teacher, education, school or scholarship to excel in life is totally dis-empowering. It makes them small. It makes them a victim of the system. It makes them At The Effect of something else, outside of them. Our child's power no longer lies with them, it is over there with that teacher, right or wrong.
It also puts all of the responsibility on the teachers. What kind of experience is that for the teachers and principals if they feel like we as parents NEED to have a certain classroom, at a certain time, with a certain teacher in order for the mystical minutia of our child's life to magically line up and create a successful school experience and life FOR them?
I suggest this shows a lack of trust in ourselves as parents and in our children's capabilities. Which is human, it's normal, it's just not, again, empowering.

There are two kinds of points of view we can have about life:
Dis-empowering or Empowering.
I choose Empowering. For everyone.

I do not imply here that the teachers don't matter. Teachers are extraordinary. Their education, style and commitment matter.They matter and they make a difference. They just don't define my children's future. My children do.
I chose to focus on empowering my child for the coming school year, and creating with them that WHATEVER teacher THEY get is the PERFECT teacher for them. Their classroom is perfect, their school is perfect and all they need to do is show up with their perfect selves and PARTNER with their teacher in their education, CREATING their own education and experience in life.

For those of you who scoff and say, well, your kid goes to a Blue Ribbon school, sure you can say that perfect BullS^%T. My kid goes to a dump of a school and their teacher is a lazy jerk.
I got it. That sucks. AND you CHOOSE to send your kid to school there even if you think you don't have a choice. We all have choice. If you can't afford a better area, move to a different state, if you can't get a better job to do that, pull your kid out and home school. If you both need to work just to put food on the table (not Gucci on your wrist), then look your kid in the eye and tell them something like,
"This school is what it is, it may not be pretty and the teachers may do what they do. That's what just what they do.In the meantime, we KNOW you will excel no matter what. That's how smart you are and how much we believe in you. No matter the situation is at school, we want you to ask yourself, Are you proud of who YOU are BEING?"

If the situation doesn't seem right, we can teach our kids, no matter what, to be committed, to have integrity, responsibility and generosity. Because in the long run, that CEO of a company or Investor is not going to hire or partner with our kids because they had Miss. Jessica instead of Miss. Lori...or because of their grades and what they KNOW. They will partner and create with our kid and our kids will make a difference in this world and be successful because of who they are BEING. And if our children is proud of who he or she is being, THAT is success.

Zen Honeycutt

Not that they need it, but to find out more about a program for your child 8-13yrs that empowers them to have integrity, responsibility and generosity, look up The Landmark Forum for Young People at www.landmarkeducation.com
And no I do not get compensated in anyway from Landmark, I just love this program!

* These names are made up and I apologize if they coincide with any real teachers names that may or may not be talked about.