The Secret of Getting What You Want: From a 4 year old

It was not how a Sunday morning is supposed to go. I woke up itching from the unsettled brewings of an argument the night before with my husband. Something about "not listening to me" was festering into a full blown rage.
I orginally intended just to talk. I really did.
I asked my husband if we could talk. But in hindsite I see now I really didn't mean that.
I meant "If you go downstairs and write now like you normally do I will feel ignored and angry again. You better listen to me rant right now or there will be hell to pay."
If I had said that at least I would have been being honest.
But I didn't.
I explained to him that I needed his support more, his listening and most importantly his affection. In hindsight I imagine it might have sounded like a plea from a mom for her teenager to pick up his socks.
But I didn't think so at the time. I was just justified. I knew what I wanted.

See, most nights he goes to bed earlier than I do and wakes up at 5:30 to write before going to work. I stay up late because it's the only time of the day I have to myself, when the house is settled in silence and the demands, bickering or distant squeals are not crying out for my attention. I can breathe. I choose to stay up late.
But then when I go to bed I want to connect with my husband. I want him magically sense from his oblivious slumber to roll over and reach for me, hold me and listen to me talk about the day. I want his affection and snuggles to envelope me, protect me and yearn for me.
Instead, he sleeps. Sometimes, he snores. It's like a Mac truck gargling.

So I stew in resentment. Then my brain, at midnight, kicks into second gear, my heart beats in a near panic and I start thinking of all the things he and I need to discuss...after school activities, are we parenting the way we could, can we budget better to make more room for college, what does he think of my plans for Moms Across America, does he really get the gravity of the GMO situation and can he just tell me what to do that will fix everything? Can't he just hold me and make it all alright?
Instead, he sleeps.

So today I woke up stewing, and my request of him, it boiled down to after 20 minutes of spitfire accusations and complaints, was really not a request. It was a demand. And who would want to be affection to a demanding person? No one. They would rather roll over and go to sleep. They certainly wouldn't want to wake up and listen to them demand more.

I got it. It wasn't pretty but I got it. With my game face on I sucked it up and went downstairs to join my family instead of eating the breakfast he made me in bed. I did my best to set the resentment aside and just be with my family. I was still feeling a undercurrent of shame however, because I realized that what I was asking for from him was really what I needed to be giving...my attention.

After lunch, as I was washing the dishes, my 4 year old sidled up to me with his cute chubby face and said "Snuggle wuggles?"
"Do you want to snuggle sweetie?" and he nodded.
"I am doing the dishes now-"
"After you are done..." he said with a hopeful smile, "Snuggles wuggles time?"
I was struck that he wanted affection and just asked for it in the cutest way.
I am not sure he knows he is irresistable but he sure knows how to ask for what he wants.
"Okay I said, I would love to."

I finished the dishes and found my son in the hands of my husband, (who was lying flat on his back on the couch), flying through the air.I saw that my son was just being cute and loving..anyone would love to snuggle him. I saw also that how he asked made all the difference in the world. Cute, agreeable, patient.

I didn't blame my husband anymore. I stepped over my husband legs and wedged myself in the fold of the couch, laying along side him, full body snuggle. I hugged Bronson who came in for a landing and it was "snuggle wuggle time". My husband smiled at me with tenderness and forgiveness. I saw deep in his eyes that all he ever wanted was to connect too. We just need to make it "time", and when he was awake worked. We hugged our son and rubbed noses and wallowed in loving affection.

At the beach later that afternoon my husband surprised me with a lovely back rub while we watching dolphins show us a glimpses of their dorsel fins while curling between the waves. I sighed in bliss.I went to bed as I usually do and this time he back was not a barrier, but just my man, a good man, to snuggle up to.

Sometimes, I realize even bigger than giving up one's pride to ask for something, is to just give it.
My sons continue to inspire me with their love, joy and play.
My husband inspires me with his commitment to providing for our family so I can do everything I am doing....which is exactly everything I want to be doing. I think he deserves some affection!


Zen Honeycutt

Everyday a New Man

As a parent, the most important relationship I have is not the one with my child. This may seem mean, but it isn't. The most important relationship is with my husband. Because, first of all he is amazing. Also without our relationship being strong, alive and connected, I cannot give my children the relationship I want to have with them. I cannot give them the home, my time, the experience of a family that I really want.
I know I could give them a good experience, I am not dependent to the point of submission, but I cannot give them the experience I am committed to without my husband, without their father, being in our home every night, available to them for questions and cuddles. It is also the most important relationship because he chose me and I chose him 13 years ago and we still do. Being chosen to be the one to spend the rest of his life with, is a huge honor. Out of 7.2 billion, he chose me. I think I can muster some gratitude and wipe his hair off the bathroom sink. Out of 7.2 billion people I also chose him. I think I can make time for the man I chose and get gussied up for a date once a month. I think I can also tell the kids that it's Mommy and Daddy time and sit outside on the front porch and ask him about his day.
I can certainly ignore a man who gives me the come hither eyes even though he might be attractive. A new man would only be a whole different host of situations I simply do not choose.

Last night we got some phenomenal coaching from a world class trainer of leaders. She told a story about a man, Let's call him "Lou". Lou loved the ladies. Lou got married many times. He loved to get married. Before he did the course we have taken, the Landmark Forum, he was pretty sure he would never stop getting married...and divorced. When she talk to Lou a year or so after the course, and asked how he was, and whether he was still married to the woman from last year, he said, "Priscilla, I am with a different woman every night!"
"What? " she asked..."What happened? I thought you loved being married?"
He said, "I am married. And my wife, the same wife as last year, is amazing. She is a different woman every night and every day and I get to get to know her!"

Every day he faced his marriage with a fresh outlook. He was vibrant, fulfilled and saw a lifetime with the same woman, excited to get to know here every day and night. What an empowering perspective! How did that one shift alter his whole marriage and whole life? Could you imagine what that kind of perspective could do for your marriage and how that would impact your kids too?

I know it has me curious about what my husband will do rather than predicting what his response will be. I know it has me noticing when he is doing something new more, like last night he talked with our exchange student about her John Adams paper for a hour instead of zoning out into his laptop. I had no idea my man was a John Adams expert! He also helped a team of leaders create a topic talk to empower teens this week. He is standing complete strangers kids to have a life of adventure, freedom and success! Wow! That's MY Man! He not only does something new everyday, he really is being someone new everyday.
Everyday he wakes up and writes, plays with the kids, and supports me support the kids and what matters to me.

Everything I have in my life I have because he supports me. Everyday he could or could not chose me and vice versa. Everyday I have an opportunity to find out what matters to him, and who is is today!
Bring on 50 more years!!!

Zen Honeycutt

The Provider Dad

So much debate is tossed around about the Stay at Home Mom versus the Working Mom. And it's all focused on the women. Of course. We women are the center of our universes.
What about our men? What about Dads?
The debate here would then be The 100% Provider Dad versus the what? 50% Provider Dad?
Ouch. Smarts a bit. No man want to think of himself as less than 100%.
But this is the reality of what a dual income family is. The man provides about half or maybe a bit more or less to the family. Our society, WE have come to think of this as equality and fair.

What is the impact however, of removing the responsibility of being sole, 100% provider to the family, on our men?

Here's the deal. Men are best when challenged. Super Hero's are super because the task before them is life or death.

Men lose interest if the challenge isn't great. Want to know why it is so challenging to get a man in his early to mid or even late twenties now to commit to a relationship and marry? He doesn't have to. All the women he dates make enough if not more money than he and he can party and play with them all. The urgency of finding a mate and providing for her to create a family has been watered down.

Want to know why so many men play video games and ignore their kids and nagging wives for hours? Because they can first of all, they are not the only one to provide for the whole family ( someone else can do it=perpetual teenager syndrome) so they kick back. Secondly, their wife is "doing it all", taking care of the house and working and her overwhelm and stress may be having her be so annoying that the only way to chill out is to check out. It's survival.

They continue to do their job to maintain and survive the balancing act of his wife "having it all" and having to give it all to their kids. They are last on the list and left feeling constantly inadequate....they may not admit it...but the fact that his wife works still means, deep inside, that she has to, and occurs to him as a reflection on his ability to provide.

What happens when men are not in the world of needing to provide for their family, and have their ass on the line as the sole provider, is that something is lost for them. Their purpose and pride and power silently occurs to them as diluted.


What is created when they do have full responsibility?

They step up. They provide. They expand their repertoire of skills, of communication and leadership. They broaden their horizons socially and politically. They connect with other high performing men and bridge the gap between where they want to be and where they are. And they do it willingly, with pride and confidence. They may be fearful, they may be challenged and not know how to do it, but they do it.They create opportunities to expand. They create opportunities in their jobs, careers, society and culture.

And in the end of the day, when they come home, they see the mess that their wife, who has the privilege of staying at home, has created with their children, the crafts and art etc...as proof that he creates a life of fun and adventure for others. He is proud, fulfilled and happy.

The man who is the sole provider for his family gets to know himself to be someone he never would have imagined himself to be... completely generous, dependable, the source of all that is important and fun. He provides the food. He provides the clothing, he provides the home, the education and the adventures on vacation. HE does all that. He is our HERO.

This is a role that men have fulfilled for ten of thousands of years and to have that removed in our society has an impact. For them to take it on and CHOOSE to be the sole provider is humungously huge of them. They don't have to choose it, many have dual incomes and the wife does something creative and empowering, he supports that, and that's great. I am not discounting the contribution that is possible to society with women working and the possibilities inside marriage. I am simply putting in, wondering about, especially while the children are young and most challenging, what would be possible if the father provided for the family and the mother mothered?

What if we women trust that they can and support them? In doing so, we have an opportunity to be surprised and delighted by our men. To marvel at their Heroics. We can relish in being a woman and care for and be amazed by our children...and in the process, we will amaze ourselves at our ability to trust, mother and be present to what really matters to us. Our children AND our men.

Zen Honeycutt

Miracles in Marriage

Marriage can be a lot of the same old, same old. After 12 years of marriage we know how to finish each other's sentences, how to push each other's buttons and piss each other off...we might even do it for fun sometimes because things can get so "fine". We can predict how the other will respond to a want or need we might have, sigh... so we don't even bother to ask. We could have a predictable marriage.
It would be understandable. You could commiserate probably, if you are married, and my husband and I could make fun of each other at social gatherings, half-jokingly belittling each other, especially me of him, and we would hear lots of laughter of agreement. That's human, and normal. Yes, we could do that, just to do that.

Recently though, especially because of courses from PAX ( meaning Peace) about men and women, I have seen that the predictability in marriage and the resignation with men, is just not something that has to be that way.
I have a new perspective on what men want in marriage, especially after ASKING my husband and listening for twenty minutes (Epic!), and I have come to terms with the fact that my husband has been going through as stage as men do, according to Allison Armstrong, and this one is where he works ALOT. He is compelled to work, to build, to provide. His expression of love is his drive to provide for us. He is great at it. He has a full time job that matters to him and where he makes a huge difference daily. He is also writing a book. He is DRIVEN and gets up at 5:30 every morning except some weekends and writes. Then after the kids go to bed he does his research for the next days writings session. Sometimes that nightly research goes til 11:00. That doesn't leave much time for me. Of course, since every one revolves around ME, it's MY universe, this is tragic.

Because I choose to ongoingly apply what I have learned at Landmark Education, I can see my part in this too. Inside of my part, my responsibility, I have power to cause something. But first I need to look at my part.
Ohhhhhh...I get prickly when he pulls that computer out. I make him WRONG. I make the book WRONG. Sometimes I want to smash his laptop. I feel sorry for myself and curl up in bed with a pout, resentful towards him, boiling in making him wrong and stewing at 10 pm while he clacks away on his computer in the kitchen. Sometimes I just watch TV and go to sleep, but many days I really do miss him, feel sad and lonely and blame him for my woes. I am snippy with him and he has the experience that he can never make me happy. He has no idea what to do about my general malaise. We both feel unappreciated and disconnected...
And I am RIGHT to do that don'tcha know. Totally justified. Oooooh I am SO right.

And if I continue to be right, that's all that I will get. The big badge of RIGHT and my husband WRONG. And that's that.It will continue like that..for years. God knows what will happen, probably affairs, and I'm not saying him.

That's not what I am committed to.
So I looked at what was missing, what I could put in that would make a difference and I saw that compassion, appreciation, support, trust and curiosity would make a difference. And if I were being those things, that would provide me with love, partnership and creation in our marriage. That would be AWESOME. I don't know what would happen, I couldn't manipulate that...and I can see that that would make a huge difference for both of us.

So I created the possibility of Partnership and Creation! I took new actions from that. I asked Todd to share what was going on for him with his book. And I really meant it. I was curious. He told me and saw that the female character had him a little foggy in certain areas. Made sense. Last time I check he had never been a teenage girl. So I asked if I could make a difference if I looked at it. He said yes. I looked and contributed, not making him or the book wrong, but looked for what would have it all, everything he wants in the book, have it all work...and what I contributed from THAT, from what matters to HIM, worked. Two days later Todd asked me to partner with him on his book.

Now, we can't wait to talk to each other. We email each other ideas and we speak to each other with excitement and joy after dinner, before bed and every where in between. Yesterday, as he created the outline for a part of the book, I took notes and contributed my female perspective. He laughed at my straightforwardness and said "You know, we might just be the PERFECT writing partners."

Miracle. Miracle here. Now.
I feel appreciated, valued, connected, loved and I suddenly know myself to be a person who makes a difference in our marriage. I honor him and his creation. He gets to be supported and admired. He WINS.I do too. I am inspired by his vision. I want to dive into his brain and splash in his imagination, roll in his ideas, he is so fascinating and brilliant. REALLY. This is the high point of our marriage and it's just going up from here. This is what we choose to create together.

Zen Honeycutt

If you are curious:

http://www.understandmen.com/
www.landmarkeducation.com

Adam and Steve

We are on the Metro North train headed into the Big Apple for our family vacation and we find out it's also Gay Pride weekend. Later that day our friend tells us that New York just approved gay marriage the day before. The Gay Pride parade is going to be one helluva party!

Images flash into my mind from when I was in college and lived on the lower West Side on 11th street and the Hudson River, right in the heart of the "Gay Section". Men in nothing but banana hammock thong underwear and cowboy chaps, their muscular butts waggling in the air for all to see, shaved bare chested men with rainbow skivvies, dancing as free as could be on top of floats, kissing each other, shouting, hugging, cheering, loving themselves and their life. A celebration of who they are....sprinkled with nudity, some cross dressing and rainbows everywhere. How would I explain this to my three sons? What would an 8, 6 and 2 year old think of all that?

I went to fashion design school at Parsons when I was 17. Some of my very first friends were gay designers. Three out of the four men I remember in my dorm were gay and they became my best friends. I loved them because of their full self expression. I loved their perspective of women, their adoring fever they embodied when they talked about Diana Ross, Susan Summer or Liz Taylor. They were not attracted to women, but they loved and admired them deeply. I loved how they taught me to "Be Fierce" and to "Work it"...when we danced at nightclubs in our silver hot shorts. We would dress up like crazy club kids, in costumes of sorts, that we created from what we had, vintage clothes, cut up jewelry, feather boas, red monkey fur, mesh stockings...and we would waltz to the front of the line of the club, that was two blocks long, and get let right in. It was their bravado, their confidence, their creativity and love for living life fully that had me step up and be that fully expressed bold woman. I owned being a woman because of them. I love gay men.

So when my mother's boyfriend later commented, on the comfort of his deck, drinking a beer with his family, "I don't believe in gay marriage. God made Adam and EVE not Adam and Steve."...I was saddened by the closed perspective.
My sister spoke up and sad "But if Adam and Steve want to get married it doesn't bother me or affect my marriage." Yea, Chi.
I agreed and piped in "Yep. Nothing anyone else does or says can diminish what Todd and I have. We are married because we say so. I support people loving each other."

I thought about it more later...on the way home from NYC, in the train where two lesbians sat next two us and a few gay men dashed by shouting loudly, definitely proud. We didn't end up having to explain men in chaps to our boys, because we mostly did museums and parks uptown, near where we stayed, but if I did need to explain it I would have been straightforward and happy to.

What I got clear on is that Yes, maybe God or the universe made Adam for Eve and Eve for Adam. Maybe that is the way it was intended...if you look at it from a body part and procreation perspective.
AND the fact is that there are, right now, and have been for thousands of years, many Adams and Steve couples and Eve and Ellas. That is a fact. There are lots of gay people who love each other, they are huge and integral part of our society and contribute an enormous amount of creativity and power. And they want to get married so they can honor their love. They also get to visit each other in the hospital and inherit and properly care for whatever estate they have worked all their lives to accumulate. They get to share in health care, bank accounts and insurance etc. as well. They get to be MARRIED and have the importance of those words of commitment.

Whether one agrees with that or not, it occurred to me that in life, things don't always go as we intend them. What makes it stressful or an issue of conflict is when we make it WRONG. So we want a sunny birthday? Then it rains? The stress is not in the rain. The stress is that we make it wrong.
So our original idea of marriage is a man and a women? So relationships are supposed to be heterosexual? Well not all are. So what? Can we just accept that and be with that and support love and honor to be created? Or do we have to make it wrong so we can feel RIGHT and superior?
The problem with Equal Rights is that there is a RIGHT and a WRONG. When in fact, like the rain, nothing is right or wrong unless we make it so. If we take a look at why we need to be right about something, maybe we wouldn't feel like things in the world are wrong.

I am committed to teaching my sons about the diversity, wonder and love in the world.
Of course I would love for them to be heterosexual and have a wife and kids, but I have no fear if they are not. My dear friends Keith, Scott and Casey taught me how much there is to celebrate in being human, man or woman, no matter what your sexual preference is.

I am also committed to guide them in being the kind of people that when something doesn't go the way we intend in life in general, to not make it wrong, but to accept what is so, to create newly and to be fully self expressed and encourage others to be free and fully self expressed. And if they end up on a float in rainbow skivvies with their husbands in the process,more Power to 'em!


Zen Honeycutt

Romancexting...Renewing a Marriage from Afar.

It's 5 pm on the fifth day of my husband being away. An unmade dinner calls to me like a lonely cowboy from the kitchen. My boys disagree for the twentieth time about the placement of the castle of pillows they are making in the living room. My 5 year old Bodee suddenly screeches bloody murder at Bronson, the almost two year old, who has other ideas for the pillows. It's a matter of life or death and at this rate Bodee is going to bust an eye socket or internally combust.

So I drag myself from the bed upon which I had a brief flirtation of a rest...
settle the conniption on my way to the kitchen, pick up a squashed black olive from the night before and start the picnic dinner for the concert on the lake where I said we would meet some friends.
I don't want to though. I am tired, the kids are rowdy, and I am not inspired to get the kids into the car for the fourth time today.

I hear my phone beep as I pull out the fixings for dinner.
I check it and it is a text from Todd. A photo of the very spot we met 12 years ago and " I love you". He is in New York City for a writers conference ( which is going fabulously ) and he has left the conference on a break, walked or taken the subway twenty blocks uptown, in the heat, to just BE at the spot we met 12 years ago, Lincoln Center, swing dancing at Mid Summer Night Swing. It means that much to him, and he knows it means that much to me.
My eyes fill with tears. My heart fills with love.
I can't imagine a more romantic thing to do, a more romantic way of being, than who he is right now. I blubber a text back about how romantic he is and how I can't wait to kiss him...
I remember my committment to him to be supportive. I told him before he left "Don't worry about us, I will have FUN with the kids, just love them and we will have a great time."
He said. " Great, that's the best way you can support me."
I text about the fun things we have done and are about to do...
My body feels light, energized and ready to go.


When we arrive at the concert on the lake, the band just starts the very first notes of the swing song "In the Mood", our wedding song...a wild coincidence.
I call him back to hear his voice, tell him about the song, and I get that although we are 3,000 miles apart, we have never felt closer or more connected.
After 12 years of knowing each other, it's those little moments of anticipating what the other person might like...of creating a special moment by a sweet gesture, a thoughtful glance or note...photographing a special spot and sending it by phone...a romantical text...earlier he texted me the spot where he proposed...it's those moments that renew our marriage daily.
We are not "Sexting"...we are an old married couple:) (just joking) but we are create romance through texting..not sure if the word Romancexting works, but what the hell. It works for me!
The marriage feels new, alive, vividly colorful and intense.

And at the same moment I become aware of so many times when I don't take the opportunity to create these kind of moments or when I don't recognize when Todd is doing those things...I am just too busy being busy. I realize that there are many many times when Todd is being romantic in his own ways...in ways that I am not looking for so I often don't notice. I suddenly see that my story about him not being romantic is just a bunch of hooey. He is. He is beyond what I could even hope for. I was just busy seeing him another way, so I could be right ( oooooh I love being right!) and perhaps get attention....and I get that that is not the kind of attention I want. This kind is waaaaay better.

In the South Coast Plaza mall, where I took my kids to change things up a little while Daddy was away earlier in the day, there was a store under renovation and the blank wall had a giant cursive quotation on the wall "Change the way you see the things and things change."

There was nothing wrong with him. It was all my perspective. My perspective of "he isn't __________" created more of him being not ___________. I could fill that in with lots of judgments and assessments....

The funny thing is, this time, I didn't control, strategize, beg, plead, hint, convince, demand for him,tell him or try to fix him to be as romantic as he has been on this trip away. All I did was support him, in what mattered to him. I created the space, structure and support for him to pursue his dreams. And what showed up was the Man of My Dreams.
That's a marriage that excites and delights me... that's miraculous... no matter how far apart, how tired... that's freedom and bliss.


Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com


Thanks for reading my shares about my life...when I share this it become more real for me, more miraculous. I invite you to look in your life too..where might have you been too busy to notice something romantic your partner has done...or where are you supporting your partner in having a life of their dreams...and what miracles have shown up from that??
They are there...miracles show up when we take a moment and honor those moments.
Thanks for reading and being a part of me honoring one of those moments in my life.

I am not a "Better Man"

This weekend I participated in a Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop with PAX
(meaning peace) programs. The view was awesome,and the workshop was:
Unbelievable. Incredible. Freeing. Empowering!

I have heard about the program for over a year now. Many of my female friends have done it and all rave about it. I didn't really think it was even remotely interesting at first, I had been married for ten years, my marriage with Todd was fine. We love each other, have fun together and have a great family. In fact we have been doing all kinds of leadership development and training together and our communication was completely transformed from what it used to be.

But sometimes I was still baffled. Sometimes I would sit in bed watching TV to wind down before bed and wonder WHY Todd was so focused on his research on the computer for his book, why he couldn't take some time to be with me without me reminding him? I would begin to feel sorry for myself, then mad at him and then wonder what was wrong with me that he didn't want to come to bed and talk and snuggle? WHAT? I look pretty darn good after 3 kids, I love to listen to him talk about his book...so what was it that has him ignoring me? I would stew in a cloud of grrrrr.
HOW could I get him to spend more time with me?
If I were him I wouldn't be doing this, I would be a better husband...
Resentment would build, I wanted to talk to him, share my day, but if he didn't want to I wasn't going to force him...just let him be... and I would got to sleep feeling bottled up.
I would be cranky the next day we would be like ships passing, the perfunctory kiss or just the "Bye, see ya, love ya" as he went out the door.

This weekend, this example is just one of the hundreds of moments that I got to the source of all the confusion, resentment, communication disasters, squabbles, sighs, eyeball rolling, defeated silences...all those and more...

I was not seeing Todd for the man he is, not seeing him as a man committed to providing for our family, who loves me and the kids. A man focused on a single thing at a time...like a hunter focused on the deer...he is driven to achieve. My complaining about him not snuggling me is draining and confusing to him...as he is doing it all, the research, the book, the work, our beautiful home in a wonderful neighborhood, the caring for the kids, for me, and for the life we created together. I see his heart as huge now, instead of selfish. I see him as creative, loving and committed. And, thanks to this weekend I know how to communicate with him to have him honored and for me to be satisfied as well. I got the WHY, WHAT and HOW! Yea!

I got clear on so many many things. One of the biggest being that by letting Todd be the incredible man that he is, I do not have to police who he is being as a man. I do not have to be a "Better Man". I can let him be a man and I can be me, a Woman.
Very exciting.

I have been in Doing, Doing, Doing mode..or "Man Mode" for so long, surrounded by males, that I forgot what it means to be feminine, to be a Woman.
What's possible now is a whole new realm of ...instead of Zen MASTER....Zen the Temptress, Zen Momma, Queen Zen. Alot more joy, humor, fun and ease as well.
Life is so exciting and thrilling when I take risks, try something new and dive into what's possible....stay tuned to how letting "boys be boys" ( they are NOT girls!..do you hear that school systems?) expands the possibilities for peace and empowerment for my boys.


Thank you for inviting me Donna....and local ladies, if you are available May 15-16th, there is another one,a great deal too, at the Surf and Sand Resort in Laguna Beach, only the most beautiful location ever. www.effectivewomen.com.

Zen Honeycutt
www.zenspurplegarden.com