Monday, August 6, 2012

Momma Drama

I am doing it again. Creating the Momma Drama.
First, inevitably, there is the discontent with something...mess, boredom, crankiness due to that time of the moneth...something. Lately it has been the neck pain for me and the hours of laying on the couch and watching TV commericals that just lie to us. Coca Cola, McDonald's and Cadbury as sponsors of the Olympics? If I didn't own the TV I would throw something at it. How stupid do they think American's are? Isn't sponsoring something supposed to mean you have some correlation, some connection of relatedness?
As a mother I am apalled that children anywhere, especially in my own home, might think that there is a connection between these diabetes-inducing-companies and the phenomenal athletes and their performance and I make sure to tell them. ARRRGGHH!
You can see the Momma Drama building here.

So at some point, in between complaining to my nothing-but-awesomely-patient-husband and snapping at my adorably affectionate child who just hugged me a little too hard and hurt my neck...I realized I have got to stop focusing on problems and sitting around stewing in my own soon as I am better I am going to create something rather than sitting here reacting to the world around me.

So I created the possibility of being Love and Generosity. And I realized I didn't have to wait until I got better. I can be that anytime, anywhere. So I started to look into, what would be an expression of love and generosity that inspires me?

I found so many things. Number one, being with my kids in a loving way. Realizing that not being able to pick them up and hug them makes a difference for them, so last night I just sat and held my youngest for a long time and just let him sleep beside us and didn't get frustrated with him. Just loved him.

Then I saw that taking action in the other areas that really matter to me, educating the public about Genetically Modified Foods, how they are the cause of allergies and instigate inflammation in the body and rise in cancer...this matters to me. So I contacted the Label GMO's group and got opportunities to volunteer. The fiber of my being stands for healthy kids and people through REAL FOOD.

Then, while reading an article about a Chinese woman who picked through garbage as a living and found abandoned babies and rescued them, 30 of them, I realized that there is more that we could be doing for the foster kids in our own back yard. Children feeling loved everywhere, this really matters to me.

And then there is the issue so close to my heart of women having choices, birth centers and access to midwives and doulas, healthcare that covers those services and the education to be able to choose them, Empowered Births, empowered women, peace and love during the first moments of life, this really matters to me.

So I have many areas where I would be lit up and fulfilled to make a difference in, and then these opportunities open up, and I cannot be in four places at once. I begin to create more Momma Drama for myself, which one do I choose now? I can't do it all! Am I failing this guy if I don't volunteer today? Which one is more important? Are my kids going to be mad and scream if I go out for three hours? What if what I do doesn't really make a difference? Tension begins to hurt my neck again.
Maybe other people do this too...maybe this is why alot of people don't take on any volunteering at all...the fear of not being able to do enough...creating drama for ourselves which we use as an excuse to not take action.Or if we do, it doesn't go the way we think it should so we let our passion peter out.

See, when I take on a new project, the way it sometimes goes is that my husband and kids are the ones that suffer for it. I suffer too, tension etc, but I am so used to it I hardly notice it. They get the brunt of it. I get excited about something, doing something, making a difference, and that excitement turns into anxiety and angst about getting it done on time or doing it right. We are rushing out the door and I am barking at them and my husband wonders how the hell he got roped into doing something that is supposed to be fun and is turning out to be miserable. He is coming from that FUN, right now, should be the reason why we are doing all this....I am thinking that it is just the way it is that it is rushed and crazy is for later, during the event. I am living for someday, later, he is living in the moment, the now.

I can see this now, at the time I couldn't or wouldn't, and I am totally not committed to that craziness. I am committed to love and generosity and peace of mind too. For me, for my family and for everyone I connect with.

So in taking on being of service to others, I make a deal with myself. Create a plan, a structure, for how and when and how long. One thing a day. Could be 5 minutes, could be an hour. Have it work. Take a deep breath. Connect with your inner peace and let that out to shine. "Be the Change you want to see in the world" doesn't mean it you can't have any fun or peace in the mean time. On fact, being the fun and the peace, now, is the whole point.

Zen Honeycutt

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