Sunday, December 2, 2012

Everyday a New Man

As a parent, the most important relationship I have is not the one with my child. This may seem mean, but it isn't. The most important relationship is with my husband. Because, first of all he is amazing. Also without our relationship being strong, alive and connected, I cannot give my children the relationship I want to have with them. I cannot give them the home, my time, the experience of a family that I really want.
I know I could give them a good experience, I am not dependent to the point of submission, but I cannot give them the experience I am committed to without my husband, without their father, being in our home every night, available to them for questions and cuddles. It is also the most important relationship because he chose me and I chose him 13 years ago and we still do. Being chosen to be the one to spend the rest of his life with, is a huge honor. Out of 7.2 billion, he chose me. I think I can muster some gratitude and wipe his hair off the bathroom sink. Out of 7.2 billion people I also chose him. I think I can make time for the man I chose and get gussied up for a date once a month. I think I can also tell the kids that it's Mommy and Daddy time and sit outside on the front porch and ask him about his day.
I can certainly ignore a man who gives me the come hither eyes even though he might be attractive. A new man would only be a whole different host of situations I simply do not choose.

Last night we got some phenomenal coaching from a world class trainer of leaders. She told a story about a man, Let's call him "Lou". Lou loved the ladies. Lou got married many times. He loved to get married. Before he did the course we have taken, the Landmark Forum, he was pretty sure he would never stop getting married...and divorced. When she talk to Lou a year or so after the course, and asked how he was, and whether he was still married to the woman from last year, he said, "Priscilla, I am with a different woman every night!"
"What? " she asked..."What happened? I thought you loved being married?"
He said, "I am married. And my wife, the same wife as last year, is amazing. She is a different woman every night and every day and I get to get to know her!"

Every day he faced his marriage with a fresh outlook. He was vibrant, fulfilled and saw a lifetime with the same woman, excited to get to know here every day and night. What an empowering perspective! How did that one shift alter his whole marriage and whole life? Could you imagine what that kind of perspective could do for your marriage and how that would impact your kids too?

I know it has me curious about what my husband will do rather than predicting what his response will be. I know it has me noticing when he is doing something new more, like last night he talked with our exchange student about her John Adams paper for a hour instead of zoning out into his laptop. I had no idea my man was a John Adams expert! He also helped a team of leaders create a topic talk to empower teens this week. He is standing complete strangers kids to have a life of adventure, freedom and success! Wow! That's MY Man! He not only does something new everyday, he really is being someone new everyday.
Everyday he wakes up and writes, plays with the kids, and supports me support the kids and what matters to me.

Everything I have in my life I have because he supports me. Everyday he could or could not chose me and vice versa. Everyday I have an opportunity to find out what matters to him, and who is is today!
Bring on 50 more years!!!

Zen Honeycutt

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