The Power of We

It was just not working. I felt defeated, worn out, stressed out and put out. I was resentful and regretful. I wanted out. Out of being a den Mom to 10 rambunctious boys.
We all have areas of our life that don't work.
I have a couple of them. I have many that do work, I love my husband, kids, home, life etc....
but there are a few areas that just seem to repeatedly suck and I will admit that. Because I have learned that only when I am able to admit it, does something begin to change. If I hide it like a neat little package with poo inside, then no one can see it, including me, and it gets ignored. No one, including me, cleans it up.

So I admitted it. I had a meeting with the parents of my den and laid it out there. If it kept going like this I was probably going to quit or or dismiss some boys, not like a threat, but just because it was so unmanageable.I let them know I am totally committed.....it just wasn't working this way, it couldn't go on. And I knew they would wonder...well what the heck are YOU doing that has them being so unruly. In fact, one couple pretty much implied that. And I didn't take it personally. I could totally get that, from their perspective, 3-4 adults, 10 kids...Come on! How could it be that bad?

Um, it could. And yes I have something to do with it. Yes I am willing to change it up. But I need partnership. I need us to take it on. I need this not to be a YOU or ME problem, but a WE solution. 100% leader, 100% parent and 100% cub scout.

So we created that. I made a Code of Conduct Contract. I wrote out all the unacceptable behavior and had the parents read it to their kids and sign the code of conduct. We created partnership between the parents, kids and leader. I asked the parents for their input and took it. One had her son, an almost Eagle Scout come and do uniform inspection and be on Time Out watch (which was not needed). She got a Wolf Totem to hold as a talking stick and created a sticker chart. The parents stepped up and helped out during the meetings too, we divided up the kids and conquered the disrespectful behavior. Normally I would do everything myself....but as that wasn't working...it was time to take it from Me to We and man...what a miraculous difference!

The boys were alert, attentive, respectful, raising their hands, engaged and awesome. It was dreamy. They felt proud of themselves and so did we.

I am looking at how I can apply this to my life...going from the single focus of me to the Power of We...in the area of messes around the house ( chore charts from Cub Scouts sure do help!) and genetically modified foods impacting our health. How am I trying to do it all myself and what is not working about that? What can I put in that would have powerful partnership show up? I am going to have to give up doing it all myself, thinking up of all the good ideas, being the leader for everything and having it go my way ( which is the right way of course). It's not about me, it's about WE.

I felt that giving up relief yesterday when I offered ideas at a planning meeting to label GMOS. They wanted to do other things or call it something different. I reminded myself that this is not about MY idea, it is about OUR nation having food that is labeled truthfully, real and healthy. I felt wonder and freedom when I opened up my vision of the future to their perspective, their contribution and our common goal.
I gave up my fear and controlling reaction... like a black crow flapping and hovering, I let it settle and be still...and saw the power in the people around me instead.

It's time to be authentic in life, time to share what is not working...time to pour our hearts out and be totally vulnerable. Because in that authenticity, we find our humanity, we bond with others, we love ourselves and can be with ourselves and others exactly as we are. There is so much power in authenticity. There is so much power in listening. There is so much power in inviting people to be a contribution to our common purpose. Let people in. The Power of We is wonderful.

I cannot wait to see what we create in working together for our common purpose to label GMOS. It may not look like anything I imagined, but after my experience with my den meeting, I have faith that it will be better than anything we all imagined.

Zen Honeycutt

Score: Boys 2, Mom 0

I told myself I would blog everyday this month....and give up that I don't have something inspiring to say all the time. This blog is called "Zen and the Art of Inspired Parenting" and frankly sometimes that title is exactly what stops me from writing. Sometimes parenting does not occur to me as inspiring. Sometimes I am not behaving as an inspired parent. Sometimes I want to quit. Usually I don't write on those days and that just has me feel stifled and stuck. That's not inspiring at all.

The past few days, feeling sick, like a mac truck has run over my body, and the muscles on my bones have just turned to putty...not much has been inspiring. I have been surviving. To top it off as soon as I get mostly better I have a den meeting of ten boys plus two siblings that swarm my home with boundless energy. I signed up for this, to be the den leader, and I knew sort-of what I was getting into. Most people wouldn't think of it as something they would ever want to do, and I didn't either. Scouts was supposed to be my husband's guy time with the boys at 6 pm on a Tuesday night. Then we moved and the pack we go to wants the meeting at 3 right after school. We happen to live directly across the street. They didn't have a leader. I am a leader (of adults in personal training and development) so I figured Why Not? I also have it the easiest way to teach your son to be a leader is to be a leader. So I chose to lead...but underneath was this "I am not supposed to be doing this, my husband is," and there has been resistance.

The den of Wolves I lead must be sensing that, sniffing out the hesitation in my leadership, because the last two meetings, although a riot for them, are occurring like a disaster to me...I am barely surviving them. There are moments, in between a seven year old boy looking me straight in the eye and mocking me, running away from the den and refusing to return and me getting a sore throat from talking over their interruptions and violent jokes, when I just want to scream "I quit!" and walk out of my own house.

Even though we are getting the requirements done and most of the boys behave, I have an expectation that EVERYONE should be behaving and we should ALL, including me, be having fun. And I am not.I feel like a gigantic failure of a den leader.I make myself wrong because I think I should know how to do this. I think I know how to be a leader. I think I know what is best and the boys just aren't listening to me. I think I know how it is going to continue to go.....and I dread the feeling of frustration I can see I will feel at the next meeting. I feel like a failure of a person and a Mom. I want to cry in my husband's arms in a ball and quit life.

But I won't, at least not forever. Not because I am afraid of what anyone thinks or feels, but because I know that this is my journey and my breakthrough to have. I know that there is something I can put in that will make a difference and it is up to me. It sucks now, but I know from my training at Landmark that I can transform anything. I just need to be willing. Clearly I am experiencing loosing the game the way I am playing and it's time to switch up the play before switching players.

Perhaps what there is to do is to, take the leadership advice from my husband and ask these boys that are interrupting and behaving disrespectfully, what they want out of scouts. Perhaps I need to ask them if they are willing to do what it takes to have what they want. Today I did a lot of telling them what to do. Perhaps...I could listen.

Today my triumph is simply writing even when I didn't wanna and looking to ask and wonder even though I think I know.

Zen Honeycutt